Always a Runner - This Time with ahimsa

“I always start these events with very lofty goals, like I’m going to do something special.  And after a point of body deterioration, the goals get evaluated down to basically where I am now- where the best I can hope for is to avoid throwing up on my shoes.” 

 -Ultrarunner Ephraim Romesberg, quoted in Born to Run by Christopher McDougall

It’s one of those absolutely perfect days – 76 degrees with a lovely breeze, sun shining brightly without a cloud to be seen, so I decide to go for a little stroll.

The urge to jog a bit moves me as Florence and the Machine urge me to “run fast for my mother, run fast for my father.”  After about a mile, my body tells me take a chill, go back to walking, so I do for a short while.  But then, Enrique Iglesias starts singing how he “likes it” and oh, I like it too.  So I ran about another half mile, immediately stopping right before feeling pain – for the first time in this run.

I’ve always swung like a pendulum – either I’m running like crazy and just making it hurt and running again and again until it doesn’t or I’m telling myself I shouldn’t hurt myself and not running at all, not doing much besides gentle yoga and claiming I’m being kind to myself.

The yogic law of ahimsa (“Nonviolence”) means “do no harm” to yourself or to others.  In a recent yoga class, the teacher mentioned that ahimsa not only means not pushing yourself to pain, but it also means knowing how far you can push.  You are actually hurting yourself if you’re holding back from what you can become, from reaching your fullest potential.

I wanted to tell you all about how that was the first time I worked ahimsa into a balanced run… until I still hurt myself.  It was my hip and after a day of massaging it, everything was fine. 

And now I’m going to try again tomorrow, believing, “With each step I touch the earth lightly to do her no harm, and she in turn does me no harm.” (From The Yamas and Niyamas)

Breaking the Rules of Fear

I didn't really notice this until now, but I have always had a lot of rules about under what conditions I will do things. For instance, to run outside it must be 60-75 degrees and sunny. To practice yoga, I need at least to be able to put my arms out without touching someone else. Otherwise, I'd try to sneak out the door when no one was looking or I would decide not to enjoy the practice (I know! It's so un-yogic.)

Lately, the universe has been breaking my rules.

What could be cooler than a yoga class with black lights, glow sticks, Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon, and The Wizard of Oz? My husband, Vida, even agreed to come along. According to his rules, these unconventional classes are the only way I can get him to yoga. We were discussing on the way what we expected from the class. Of course, there would be lots of slow and gentle movement so that we could watch the movie and enjoy the fun. I was just hoping it would not be too gentle as it counted for my workout for the day.

When we walked into the room, I had to reign in my panic as at least 40 yogis were packed wall to wall with their mats touching. The MATS WERE TOUCHING. Not only could I not spread my arms, I would actually have to share breathing space. If Vida weren't there, I probably would have run. You know, a gentle, sneaky, graceful yogi sprint.

As I looked around at all the rippling muscles and flat abs, realizing that I was probably the heaviest person in the class, I also noticed that the room was unusually warm. On purpose. Hot air was gushing from the vents. I said "uh oh" and explained to Vida that this just might be "hot yoga," meaning it would likely be a little more of a workout than we anticipated. I planted myself on my mat, trying to burrow underground in my mind, and just kept breathing, deciding to ride this out, mentally chaining myself so my body wouldn't betray me and start running.

"Hey yogis, please skooch a little closer, we need to fit five more people in,"cooed the lithe, supermodel yoga teacher.

I wanted to scream, "MY RULES ARE BEING BROKEN! THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE!" as I improved my mile time on the journey out. Instead I mentally crawled under my mat and hung on.

The class was immediately challenging as the pace picked up and the postures grew harder and faster. I was surprised to find that I loved it. Sharing the breathing space with the others, feeling the energy in the room pick up, knowing that all those fit people were sweating and breathing hard just like me. I felt strong, graceful. Just when I thought it was winding down and my muscles were shaking, it just kept going and going. FOR TWO HOURS. Later, the teacher commented, "Oh, that was the extended version of the movie, I didn't know that." Another surprise for all of us from the universe. There were even times where we had to "put your hand on your neighbors back for balance" and even hold hands - an absolute breaking of my yoga personal space rule. But it was great.

Finally, completely spent in savasana on the mat, I smiled and sent prayers of gratitude, glowing with amaizngness when a completely unexpected version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow played, sung by my favorite artist, Tori Amos. It was perfection. And I lost two pounds overnight.

 

If I had followed my rules, I would have missed out on this completely.

Later the same weekend, Vida and I were registered to run a 5K at the local high school. I had been vigilantly checking the weather, dismayed that it would be only 42 degrees. Way below my threshold and colder than I've ever run in, but I decided it would be okay.

When we woke up, it was 23 degrees instead. "Nope." I said, "there's no way this is happening." I remembered my doctor telling me at age 10 never to go outside without a scarf over my mouth under 40 degrees because it was bad for my sinuses. I imagined the razor-cold air forcing me into immediate pneumonia. What normal human being would do this? No one would fault me for backing out, I didn't HAVE to do this, I hadn't even told many people about it. My world would not be adversely affected except for having to do my planned 3 miles on the boring treadmill.

Vida started playing Rocky music and telling me that "Rocky didn't worry how cold it was while running over mountains in Russia." I looked at him like he'd just asked me to try a bite of a fluffy bunny and said rather eloquently that I "didn't give an F what Rocky would do," I could be warm in my bed. But I couldn't get back under the covers. For one, Vida looked like he was going to the race that was my idea without me. But also, there was something inside me that wasn't actually going to let me out of it. So I got dressed.

When we arrived, everyone seemed to be a high school student or an athlete. I again realized that "normal people" don't run races in frigid temperatures. The fear came that everyone would be faster and I would be running alone and get lost on the course. Again that I would die from breathing icicles. The race director cautioned us all to watch our step for ICE. But I decided to just start running and not stop and not worry about anything else.

Immediately upon starting, breathing ice cold air sucked. It hurt. My nose started dripping uncontrollably (thank God for gloves and long sleeves.) Seemingly everyone did run past me, continuously. My headphones broke and I could hardly hear Eye of the Tiger. But I just kept going. Eventually, I got used to the air and the snot stream. I found my steady pace and even passed a walker or two (who later passed again when they sped up.) Vida had been in a heat behind me and he eventually pulled up beside me, again making me consider that I might be the slowest person who ever ran. Together we put one foot in front of the other, chasing the teenagers and rasping on ice. My legs wanted to stop, but we charged into the stadium, finally making the last lap to finish.

Not my most glamorous finish...

It was my worst time ever, by about 2 1/2 minutes. It was cold. It hurt. But I cried with pride and joy at facing my rule-breakers and winning against my fears. And also, coming back to race after nearly 3 years of not running. It can only get better.

So I've found that there is joy in breaking the rules. There is pride in digging way deeper than my comfort zone and discovering pieces of myself that are way stronger than I ever imagined.
I will no longer let fear make my decisions for me. Bring it on!

Running for My Life

Running a few miles has always been a symbol of strength and great health for me, of overcoming painful limitations. After chronic pain from multiple car accidents, each recovery was checked off as I reached the 2, 3, 6 mile marks with a smile and a fist pump in the air. Each winter hibernation ended with a trusty 2 mile reunion with my body. I am that weirdo on the hamster wheel (treadmill, whatever) with a big, goofy grin as I sweat because to me running is freedom. It means that my body is strong and free and that makes me happy, even as I grunt, drool, and wheeze through that last quarter mile.

I was feeling stronger than ever, healthy and free and light. Until the Really Bad Stuff happened. I entered a dark time of anger with my body, surgeries, recoveries, and tears. I was stripped of my power and crippled with fear and panic. I kept telling myself I was okay, telling family and friends "I'm fine, drop it."

Looking back, I can now see that I was not fine. I was muddling in molasses, the dark time lasting 2.5 years. I would panic on the way to yoga class and drive home. I would plan to run and then simply run in the opposite direction of the gym, hiding on the couch. My body and personal power grew weaker and weaker, making the thought of ever running again increasingly overwhelming.

When I showed up for my first day of personal training, the fear was heavy in my gut. I felt like it could actually kill me if I walked through the door. I took a deep breath. I did it anyways. I vowed that I would just show up, I would see what was hiding deep inside me, and I would pray the angel of death to pass over me as I held plank pose for what seemed like forever.

About 6 weeks since I walked through that door, I am changed. The hope is settling in that even if I'm still not completely okay, that I can and will be more than okay soon. The promise of power is coursing through me, prana flowing as I just keep breathing.

(Cue Chariots of Fire)

Last week, I just kind of felt like running 2 miles after a pretty challenging yoga class. So I did. Then, this past weekend I thought I'd just see if I might be ready for a 5K this coming weekend by going for the 3 mile run. If you're not a yogi, this may sound crazy to you, but I even patted my body, thanking it for the strength, loving it for all of its miraculous glory. And then the impossible happened. Sweating, wiping snot from my nose with my sleeve, wheezing, grunting, gasping, I just kept going. 2.75 miles and I sped up, letting my legs fly out in huge strides of freedom.

3 miles!

If the other gym members knew what that moment meant (instead of thinking how gross that she wiped her nose with her sleeve), they would have been cheering. If my life were a movie, it would be a major scene in the comeback montage. My life is not a movie, so instead it was just the goofy smile as the tears snuck out of the corners of my eyes and the feeling gently washed over me that I might finally be okay again, stronger even.

It's more than "working out." It's showing up, facing my fears and weaknesses over and over again and proving to myself that I'm so much stronger than I knew. That I have, and always will, overcome. Just breathing, healing, showing up, running it off, letting it go. Letting it go. Letting me grow.

A Mummy's Guide to Freedom

 

"And the day came when the risk
to remain tight in a bud
was more painful than the risk
it took to blossom."
-Anais Nin

 

I feel these protective layers smothering me. At first they were light, floating, gossamer sheaths of chiffon that I gently cloaked around myself, dancing, winking playfully at life. Then came the thicker materials: burlap, leather, drywall, the hair shirt, the ironclad ball and chain around the ankle.

It's natural- scary things happen to us in life. We fall down unexpectedly, we fight, we fail, we are betrayed, abandoned, overwhelmed by loss. The subconscious starts enfolding us in these lovely protective layers when we need them. But what happens when we don't let them go once the need has passed?

As the armor grows heavier, the movement of the body slows. The mind reaches for external comfort, creating its own layer of protective fog and busyness. The spirit grows heavy, sad.

Even our earth is now frozen over, protecting her seedlings, her bounty. My toes long to dig warmly into the strength of her soil.

I hear the urgent whisper, "Let go, let go, let go..."

There is no telling how many times we need to go through this process. Once we've sorted through and let go of all the "stuff," life is still happening, constantly changing no matter how tightly we are gripping. We must always re-evaluate: what am I clinging to? What layers are holding me back?

Practical steps I am taking right now to peel back the layers:

- It all started with the cleanse. First, I freed the digestive flow inside and have paid closer attention to how to feed my body instead of smothering it. Giving up animal products has helped me align my actions with the spirit of my heart. By giving up the dairy products that I'd been eating with a severe allergy, I'm physically removing layers from my sinuses that were literally blocking my primal, root chakra sense of smell. What an obvious layer between me and the experiences of the world. Goodbye!

-I am beginning to move more with physical exercise to peel back what I've jokingly referred to as my "layer of pizza." For extra incentive, I've signed up for a weight loss competition and have enrolled in personal training sessions with my friend and talented trainer, Samantha Jackson at the awesome YDM gym.

-To gain better clarity, I am turning inward. For Lent, I've "given up" the chatter of my Facebook newsfeed so that instead of focusing on the lives of others, I can ask myself how to truly make my own life shine to the best of my ability.

 "When we seek answers outside ourselves, we go deeper into the wilderness, further from home." - Meditations from the Mat

 -I'm reading The 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse by Debbie Ford. I've tried this before and wasn't ready. I hope that I am now! Cheers to Day 1.

-I've been leading a Chakra series and as I teach others how to release old habits to find power and balance emotionally, amazing things have been happening as I go through the process again myself, letting go of fears, doubts, and past traumas.

-In an effort to open my heart, I am sharing this experience with you in the hope that it can help.

What You Can Do:

-Make some time for yourself to sit quietly and journal and/or meditate as you explore your desires, dreams, and life. Journal on what your fears are and how you can overcome them. Hint: Step one is affirming that you choose to let it go. Journal on your life's dreams and what holds you back. Without the pressure of forcing yourself to give these things up immediately, simply allow yourself to imagine what your life could look like if you did let go of the negative and you could thrive as your ideal self, realizing your wildest goals.

-Determine the proper balance and identify your own layers. Notice if it's a heavy layer of inertia (more time on the couch, a couple of extra pounds) or if it's a layer of frantic busy-ness and constant motion. If the thought of sitting quietly for an hour or taking a gentle, lay on the floor yoga class makes you angry, that's a good indicator that you need to slow down. If you feel like you are in a layer of SAD, winter molasses, get moving regularly and create a routine for yourself. If you're patting yourself on the back for your rigid routine that never budges, create a little freedom by trying something new- get a massage, dance in your living room instead of going to the gym one evening a week, take a bath.

-Find a healing practice for yourself with a practitioner you trust to help shed the emotional and spiritual barriers with guidance. This could be Body Wisdom, Reiki, Counseling, working with the Angels, yoga, working through the chakras, Emotional Release with essential oils,  even getting a massage. To take the best care of others, you must first take care of yourself. Ideal healing arts sessions help you to better know yourself and grow.

-Consider a cleanse to take some of the energy off your digestion so you can focus inward. This is a great way to notice and honor your body and its needs. You can begin with Day 1 of the cleanse on this blog or find one that works for you. Whole 30 is another great cleanse I've heard about. I'm beginning the Master Cleanse (cayenne lemonade) on March 7th and the instructions will be available here, too.

-Take a break from the media. Limit your TV time- perhaps even take a day or two off per week. Either give up Facebook/Twitter/Instagram, etc. completely for 21-40 days or give yourself a time limit each day that you strictly adhere to. Limit time spent on emails and YouTube as well. If this thought makes you feel completely frantic, it is very, very necessary. You will be amazed by the perspective when/if you choose to come back.

-Read Light. You can choose self-study through gorgeous spiritual books, like Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh or Anatomy of the Spirit by Carolyn Myss. Choose books that lift your spirit and open your mind, especially those that instruct on letting go and being present. Message me if you want more- this is one of my favorite pastimes!

Keep in mind that our layers have layers, born of layers that were layered over layers. This work is like peeling an onion and as you go deeper, you learn things you never could have imagined. When you are ready, the layer starts to peel. Then it's up to you to really dig in there. And it's WORTH IT!

Down the Slippery Pita Slope

It was just a tiny piece of pita bread.

I was so proud of myself, practicing such moderation. I took the tiny quarter of a pita triangle and even ripped it in half, separating the double layers so that I could have two tiny feast-like triangles for my hummus.

Smug, I bragged about my new "balance," this amazing self control.

But then, the cravings came. One stupid quarter of a pita started the craziness, the raving mad NEED for more. I started fantasizing about pizza dripping with cheese, giant steaks. I almost had an egg until I pictured myself crying into my breakfast.

By the third day, Sunday, I actually started chewing on my husband, telling him how much I "needed" to sink my teeth into some meat. Wide-eyed, he ushered me into the car to go out to eat, understanding how dangerous a situation we were in.

After giving myself permission to order a steak, I opted instead for (surprise) an Italian meal. I dove face-first into the fluffy bread, ordered the fried everything platter as an appetizer, then shoveled delightful cavatelli into my ever chewing, ever smiling mouth.

That damn pita triangle.
Of course, I felt awful. I even had a couple of bites (moderation!) of fried cheese, which immediately became a sinus headache and a couple of metal knots slowly winding through my intestines.
 
5 weeks on this glorious cleanse and I thought I was ready for moderation.

Those few bites of delicious pita bread and the white flour was coursing through my body, begging for more.

According to Dr. David Perlmutter, neurologist, 

"Just like Oreos, there are chemicals in gluten and wheat that stimulate the same parts of the brain that are responsive to morphine."

This is why I have to keep going the route of super discipline. Unfortunately for me, there is no "moderation" concerning gluten products. And I'm shocked by the way the flour made me crave meat, all things fried, and everything I had given up- even sugar and alcohol!

I joked 5 minutes after the gluttonous meal and said, "Now for the self-loathing," but that was exactly what happened, even after all of my advice not to be hard on ourselves when slipping up on cravings.

That darn pita? NOT WORTH IT. Back to my cleanse diet without exception. The slippery slope is just too slick!

Note: There were no animals harmed in this meal! Still vegetarian for over 5 weeks now. Even when I want to eat the meat, I can't go through with it. It feels really good to live my beliefs, helping the earth in being a little lighter and brighter.

Are you there Wellness? It's Me, Laura

It’s been over a week since the cleanse “ended” and Guess what? I’m still going! Feeling much better, I’m still following the rules in my actual, daily life. This is a first! In the past, whenever discipline has numbered days, I’m counting down and getting ready to pat myself on the back, then go joyously face first into to old habits (like cheese pizza!) But this time it really clicked that those habits weren’t serving me anymore.

I was fantasizing about eggs- that was one of the hardest things for me to give up. But once I gave myself permission to have it, my conscience decided to stay consistent with my values. I just couldn’t stop thinking about the male baby chicks. And now I feel stronger, more happy, more me.

This is a little embarrassing, but I’ve even been making an effort to give myself pats on the shoulders, the legs, to tell my body that I love it and that I love taking good care of it. I almost feel like I have to reassure my body that it can trust me again after all I’ve put it through.

What’s been really eluding and annoying me is that I’m still tired. I thought about writing a displeased letter to Ms. Kathy Freston of the 21 Day Quantum Wellness Cleanse until I remembered what I did differently last time. I was exercising like a maniac, running 10Ks, going regularly to yoga, and lifting weights.

In my head, I know the benefits of getting moving. I’ve blogged about it and have even called it “the secret to life” when active. But oh, to get a body out of its inertia. When I’m exercising regularly, I wonder how or why I ever stopped, but when I’m not, I wonder how or why I was able to choose that over the couch.

As usual, BKS Iyengar helped put the importance into perspective for me:

“As long as the body is not in perfect health, you are caught in body consciousness alone. This distracts you from healing and culturing the mind. We need sound bodies so we can develop sound minds.”

So, knowing how my mind works and the power of healthy rewards, I joined a weight loss challenge at my gym. It’s a Biggest Loser kind of thing, where the person who loses the highest percentage of weight will win a trip to Vegas! It goes until May and has really been helping me to get moving. I’m feeling more energy creeping back and I’m getting excited. It may not be the most balanced thing in the world to join a weight-loss focused event like this, but now that better nutrition is in place,I can focus on my next big challenge and I know, just like with the cleanse, I’ll be carrying better habits into my daily routine. And that's where the balance comes in.

“So while you are sweating and aching, let your heart be light and let it fill your body with gladness. You are not only becoming free, but you are also being free. What is not to be glad about? The pain is temporary. The freedom is permanent.”  -BKS Iyengar, Light on Life

It's easy to be discouraged by the “temporary” pain. The muscles start crying, then the brain says, “why have you let this happen again, you …?!” But this time, I’m not listening. I have a contest to win. Patting and massaging those aching muscles and telling my body it will all be okay, I’m gonna keep on going, still digging for that Wellness, that fabulous friend named Health. I can hear her whispering nearby…

Day 21- The Beginning

“What we eat is a matter of life and death. Food is who we are.” – Scott Jurek, Ultra marathoner

This may sound dramatic after only 21 days, but I am changed. I feel lighter, gentler, more myself. I learned with my heart and body, not just my mind this time.

I thought I would never give up eggs, but I just can't stop thinking about the baby chicks that aren't needed. I thought I could never go without gluten but I honestly haven't missed it. I've just become more creative in the kitchen! Egg substitutes for baking are bananas and ground flaxseed with water. I made my first pizza without cheese or even cheese substitute (recipe below.) I felt like I was on the food network, whipping up this delicious, gourmet beauty.

I'm feeling excited about committing to this diet long-term, though it was in no way my original intention. I just wanted to lose some weight and reset my system with a cleanse. But I am not the same person who started 21 days ago, desperately needing a change. Iyengar's "disciplined happiness" is taking on more meaning as this new sense of balance finds me smiling more. But gently...genuinely.

“Genetically and structurally, we are designed to thrive on plant foods…Plants store the sun’s energy, which we receive by eating them. If you can, just picture the light energy from the sun beaming down to the vegetables and fruits, and as we eat those foods, imagine that energy being transmitted into our bodies. Our nervous systems are maintained and stimulated by this light. What an amazing gift from nature- to be able to eat such pure foods that give our bodies so much!” – Skinny Bitch

The sunshine is now running through my body, feeding my cells, despite the heavy Ohio blizzard outside.

I find myself now agreeing with Benjamin Franklin:

“My refusing to eat flesh occasioned an inconveniency, and I was frequently chided for my singularity, but, with this lighter repast, I made the greater progress, for greater clearness of head and quicker comprehension.”

Since this all started from Kathy Freston's Quantum Wellness Cleanse, I find it fitting to close this 21 day experiment using her very appropriate words: 

“Now you know just how powerful you are. Now you know that you are the healer who can heal yourself and extend that healing out into the world. May you be well and thrive in every respect, and may you use this foundation of power to help move us all forward.”

This is one of my favorite foods I've ever invented (today.) It was so rich and indulgent I did not miss the cheese (really!) And all because I ran out of marinara sauce and had to get creative!

A New and Fabulous Pizza

 

 Ingredients
Namaste Foods Gluten Free Pizza Crust Mix (follow instructions on bag)
2 cups arugula
2 TB earth balance butter substitute
1 large sweet onion, cut in thin strips
3 cloves fresh garlic, peeled and chopped
1 red pepper from jar
3/4 cup sundried tomatoes
2 TB coconut cream concentrate
1/4 cup raw almonds
1/4 cup cherry tomatoes, halved
salt, oregano, garlic powder, rosemary
2 TB + 2 tsp olive oil

Instructions:
Preheat Oven to 450 degrees and make crust in the meantime.

Caramelize onions in the Earthbalance butter. Toss the arugula with 1-2 tsp of the olive oil, some salt and pepper, then set aside to wilt a bit.

Make the sauce: Add garlic, red pepper, sundried tomatoes, coconut cream concentrate, almonds, and about 4 cherry tomatoes in a food processor. Drizzle the 2 TB olive oil and grind until it's a thick, creamy paste.

Spread the sauce over the crust when it's ready. Add the onions and remaining tomatoes and bake for 10 minutes.

Remove from oven and add the wilted arugula.

*I also drizzled with a nice pecan-flavored balsamic. A sweet balsamic adds nice flavor to the arugula.

*If you can't find the Namaste brand crust, you would probably want lower the temperature of the oven to 375-400 and follow the instructions for how long to bake it. Since the one I used is a thin crust and goes from a batter to actually baking the crust, the higher temperature was needed.

If you would like more information on going vegan or vegetarian, there is some great info at Goveg.com and you can even order a free vegetarian starter kit.
If you enjoyed this 21-day program, another one that I would strongly recommend (that I have done several times and really like) is PCRM's 21-Day Vegan Kick Start. They share delicious recipes for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for all 21 days.

Day 20: Alishineyas, Warriors, and Ever-loving Illumination

Alishineya (ael-i-shin-ey-a): A woman waking up to her true power, her light; unearthing the divine journey of her soul.
Ex. I have been blessed to know many strong alisheneyas who have shined the light for me to notice that I, too, am exquisitely alive.

Alishen (ael-ee-shen): The male equivalent.

Today I was assigned a writing project to invent a new word and use it. I thought about how the word "warrior" really isn't used regularly for women. I love the word "bodhisattva." This word is not made up. It's a Buddhist word: "those who train whole-heartedly in awakening unconditional and relative bodhichitta are called bodhisattvas or warriors- not warriors who kill and harm but warriors of nonaggression who hear the cries of the world." Bodhichitta is basically strong mindfulness without fear or judgment and the "ability to keep our hearts and minds open without shutting down" according to Pema Chodron in The Places that Scare You.

As this 21-day cleanse is coming to a close, I've noticed more than ever the strong tie between body, mind, and spirit, even in focusing simply on the diet and what we choose to consume.

This cleanse has re-awakened my Spirit; it has settled into my heart. By loving myself enough to make the right food choices for me, I feel happier, lighter, more free.

Even my choices at the grocery store lift me up. Now I do my best to support companies that are trying to nourish us instead of contributing to those who fill their pockets, then fill their products with sugar and concentrated, over-processed starch, pointing at kids with diabetes and saying "exercise more." Or worse yet, the ones treating animals in a way that they could never fathom being treated.

Yes, there was a bit of frustration, anger, ranting on my part. For a moment, I wanted to get my sword and go to war. But I love the idea of keeping "our hearts and minds open without shutting down." When I was vegan before, I rather made a point to tell everyone what they are eating, all the time. I felt so passionately it was hard to watch people eat. But being so one-sided can lead others to shut down. Our hearts must be ready, too. This time, this cleanse, I committed body, mind, heart, and soul and it's made such a difference. I know that I tread more lightly upon the earth and my heart smiles.

Making such kind and gentle choices for myself and for the world can't help but trickle into other areas of my life, awakening new parts of the spiritual journey.

There are alishineyas everywhere. There's my friend Lisa, who is following her dream to move to Costa Rica. The many brave entrepreneurs in the community, risking everything, working lonely hours to make their dreams come true. The yoga teachers who share the light, many in their "free time" after full time jobs. There's my sister, Amy, who pours her whole self not only into teaching young children, but also into tirelessly supporting and inspiring other teachers, then going home to bathe her toddler in endless love and attention.

To everyone who is living with their eyes open, to everyone who pours their entire being into their lives, into serving others, into honoring themselves, you inspire me to be better. To the alisheneyas and alishens- thank you for joining me for however many footsteps along the journey. As your path is illuminated, gently, lovingly, let's shine light into the darkened spots and lonely hearts of the world so others may find the way.

Day 19- Let it Shine! (Free, Happy, Me)

Rockin' the purple hair.

 “As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same.” -Marianne Williamson

One thing that I love about a vegan lifestyle is that it's non-conforming. It’s a personal revolution and utter rebellion to say, “I will not buy into an industry that is cruel, does not care about my health, and is followed as a matter of convenience for most.” When you order your meal without meat and without cheese, you’ve probably already noticed some of the reactions. It’s confusion, raised eyebrows, sometimes even hostility – especially if you don’t live on the West Coast, USA. Now add gluten-free and watch heads explode, watch the eyes bug out like you just showed your scales.

Freston agrees, “Our challenge as humans is always to love the part of ourselves that is rejected and disowned. When we come to terms with the part of us that is vulnerable, we arrive at a deeper inner peace, and thus are able to act in the world a bit more peacefully.”

A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting in a restaurant and overheard a young woman saying, “I felt so emotional. I know, I told him. I’m so crazy!” This struck a chord with me as I remembered saying the same thing more times than I would like to admit. My heart moved for this girl. Why should we be labeled as "crazy" for letting ourselves emotionally react? For being ourselves? 

Why do we tuck these emotions, these eccentricities away? We are all unique, with differing needs, interests, bodies. Yet, our culture has groomed many of us into competitive versions of the same prototype. It makes us more apt to buy things, to stay in line by striving for sameness, constantly asking ourselves, “Is this okay? What will they think?”

“The system does not want us to know our own best selves, because if we do we then have no need to buy things that ‘they’ say are worthy and desirable. Satisfied people don’t buy as much stuff.” – The Minimalist Women’s Guide to Having it All

Let’s stop judging ourselves based on society’s imposed standards. How about judging based on our own heart’s standards? Or best yet, don’t judge yourself at all!

I am curvy. I don't have cable. I don’t eat animals. I talk to Angels and go to “church” in my prayers and meditations every day. Jeans are not my uniform. I use essential oils instead of running to the doctor. I work for myself. Totally weird? Not fitting into society? So? I’ve been exceedingly happier since realizing: It’s my choice how I live; what I wear, how to nourish my body, what’s important to me!  

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” - Dr. Seuss

Dear Past Self,
What a treat. After yesterday’s post, I found this piece in the cleanse series and it feels like a hug from...myself. Thank you for this message!
Love,
Present self to me/Future self to you

A meditation:
“I am free and I am me! I rejoice in my innocence and celebrate the gift of life. I offer gratitude for that which makes me unique, the refreshing quirkiness that only I can offer the world. This levity makes my spirit soar. I am happy, right now, and I am free!”

Enter a quirky, lesser known grain called kasha (cracked buckwheat.) It has a very nutty, earthy taste and is amazing in this salad.

Dijon Brown Rice & Kasha Salad
½ cup kasha (prepared according to box)
½ cup brown rice (prepared according to box)
1 red bell pepper – diced
1 yellow bell pepper- diced
1 avocado – diced
3 green onions, sliced
1 large tomato, diced
½ cucumber, diced
½ cup walnuts (bite-sized pieces)

Dressing
¼ cup rice vinegar
½ TB Dijon mustard
1 tsp honey or maple syrup
½ tsp salt
½ tsp fresh ground pepper
2 cloves garlic- minced
¼ cup olive oil
(whisk together before pouring over salad)

Cook rice and kasha as directed on the package. Let cool for at least 1 hour. Add the rest of the ingredients. Pour dressing over the salad & mix well. Serve cold.

This serves about 8-10 people (or will make you tons of leftovers for lunches.) It’s great to bring to a family gathering and delicious. Someone always asks for the recipe. Enjoy!

Note: You can use any other veggies that you like, but the avocados, peppers, and nuts are very complimentary with the dressing. 

Day 18- Getting Extreme

Many would call this an “extreme diet.”

“With a western diet, this guarantees there are going to be about ½ million people this year in this country who will have to have the front half of their body divided, their heart exposed, then veins will be taken from their leg, then sewed on their heart. Some people would call that extreme.”
-Dr. Cal Essylstein in Forks over Knives

When I watched Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead, I was struck by the complacency of the people interviewed. I saw myself in them, heard my own excuses. When Joe asked people with serious health complications or who were extremely overweight questions like “what if eating vegetables would add 20 years to your life?” “What if you could feel better, be healthier, have energy, and get rid of your diabetes/heart disease/high blood pressure?” And nearly every person interviewed said, “nah, I need this burger too much.” Or “I don't like vegetables, but I love bacon.” Or “I want to enjoy the time I have and have fun.” I heard my own voice, saw my lips move, felt my heart break when looking at the big picture.

Are we enjoying the time that we have? Feeling exhausted all the time, knocked out by migraines, taking medications and then other medications to manage the side effects of the first one, giving ourselves shots, drowning in coffee to force ourselves through the day?

Many ask, “what do you eat?” as they picture me sadly forking piles of iceberg lettuce. If you've checked out any of the recipes, you know I'm eating just fine.

I had a little bit of gluten today. I don't even know in what form it was. Yes, it's difficult to follow this diet perfectly and everywhere. Sometimes it is necessary to bend just a bit. When dining out with my mom, I found a vegetable bean soup that was vegan, dairy free, but not gluten free. I examined it and did not see any noodles floating around. Where did they even squeeze in the gluten and why? Deciding not to drag my mom out of the restaurant and feeling very hungry for lunch at 2pm, I bent just a touch. I'm glad I didn't make myself crazy. However, if there were white starchy noodles floating around, I would have left. Noodles and bread are a huge trigger to lose my mind and quit my diet, so that's where I know I need to stay rigid. Is this a relative of that Balance I've been seeking?

But (expletive), why does it have to be so hard to find something to eat in a restaurant? Even the veggies in my salad looked fake and had no taste. The red peppers were from a jar, the guacamole was squeezed out of a bottle, the dressing tasted like chemicals, the tomatoes were more pink than red. Why is it so difficult to find real food?

I had planned to write about the need to be silly sometimes and not take ourselves so seriously. But- I'm being really honest with you here- the more I learn, the angrier I'm getting and then I dig in to learn even more. I don't feel like being silly. Isn't that what we're supposed to do? Distract ourselves and “drink the kool aid” literally? Not think about the chicks in the garbage, how normal it is for experimental chemicals to be in our food? “Just smile, be nice, and eat it anyways, why do you have to be so picky?” Half the people stopped reading already, not wanting to hear it. I want to scream.

Someone tell me I'm not alone and crazy here.

Day 17- H- No to GMOs!

While we're shining the light on how our bodies experience certain foods with this cleanse experiment, there is another critically important factor to consider. Did you know that people are messing with our food, concerned only with how to make it cheaper and how to make us spend more while ignoring the mounting evidence of detriment to our health? 

Are you rolling your eyes right now, thinking “not another genetically modified discussion?” I once was in your shoes, confused why some people were so passionately fixated on ruining my meal, trying to make me feel guilty for the way I ate.

Please understand, no one is trying to make us feel guilty. Concerns for food safety are in no way pointing fingers at the people consuming them. These foods are actually engineered to appeal to us; sugar and salt added to make our taste buds cry for more. No, there is nothing to feel guilty about, there is no need to “should” all over our diets.

About four years ago, I first heard about GMO’s (Genetically Modified Organisms). A peer was passionately giving a presentation about the danger to our food supply, but as with many GMO presentations, there was a heavy focus on chemistry and science. There was talk of corn, cancer, rats dying in experiments. I zoned out, thinking “oh, who cares, I feel fine.”

Ignoring the GMO “stuff” for quite awhile longer, I thought, “I’m working so hard to eat healthy, certainly I can’t handle one more thing!” It gets annoying. It is exhausting. It made me want to throw my hands up and say “forget about it! I’m tired of caring, tired of eating!”

But that is the reaction that major food corporations want us to have- to keep throwing our money at “food-like” substances, buying up what they can produce on the cheap. Luckily, there are those who are committed to digging, to finding out the truth about what is actually hidden in our food. Why is it so exhausting when they announce new findings? Well, isn’t it easier for corporations if it’s confusing, so that they can make money while we grow weary of reading the labels, stop withholding from spending our dollars on poison?

Many years ago, I thought “hey, if it’s food, certainly it’s safe to eat!” thinking there was an agency out there that cared about the health of Americans. The day I realized this was not true, that cancer, diabetes, childhood obesity, autoimmune disease, chronic fatigue syndrome, infertility, food sensitivities, allergies were skyrocketing, were preventable but increasing, were even within my own power to prevent, I started getting angry.

Last June, I had the opportunity at the Young Living Convention to see William Davis, MD, Author of Wheat Belly, and one of those speaking out about our food. He said,

“Genetic modification and hybridization of the plants we call food crops remain crude science still fraught with unintended effects.” 

While reading Seeds of Deception by Jeffrey M. Smith, I’m learning that there are very few experiments done to find how GMO’s affect humans. The few that have been performed are terrifying! Do you want to be an experiment for corporations that simply want your money?

My husband was reading a magazine and excitedly pointed out to me, “Look! This article says there’s no credibility in studies saying that GMOs are dangerous- it says they are perfectly safe to eat.”
I jokingly said, “Well, we know who’s paying to plant that misinformation. Those big, scary food corporations are buying the media now!”

But then I read about that exact same thing happening in England. Consumers started hearing about the lack of scientific evidence on the safety of GM foods and they started speaking up. This went all the way up to the British government, who immediately launched a counter campaign saying GM foods are safe (yes, that’s how high up the generous bioengineering funding can go), while writing reports to discredit the disturbing GM food studies. At the same time, The Advisory Committee on Novel Foods and Processes (ACNFP-a committee of British government) had begun secretly launching a study that “would specifically look for increases in childhood allergies, cancer, birth defects, and hospital admissions” in people buying GM foods in supermarkets, based on purchasing records of consumers with loyalty cards. That report was leaked and then the study was sheepishly abandoned. Luckily, in England the people were heard and GM foods banned. Now how much more imperative is it for the U.S. to remain eager participants in the billion dollar industry? And I thought it was scary when I was joking.

So what does the U.S. Food and Drug Administration have to say about genetically modified food? Since 1992, their claim is that they do not believe it is “necessary to conduct comprehensive scientific reviews of foods derived from bioengineered plants.”

I don’t know about you, but I always thought there was someone somewhere testing this stuff before it showed up on my plate! How else could it be labeled as "food" and sent to my grocery store?

According to Arran Stephans, founder of Nature’s Path Foods,

“Most of the foods in your local grocery store are now contaminated with GM food ingredients, without your knowledge or consent. As many have said, we are now in the middle of the largest feeding experiment in history and we human beings are the guinea pigs.”

In Seeds of Deception, Jeffrey M. Smith writes that “hungry African nations won’t even accept our [United States] food aid.” I’m sorry, what? What is in our food?

Frances Moore Lappe remarks, “just as with the risks of feedlot beef, now contributing to heart disease, groundwater depletion, antibiotic resistance, and more, no citizens were asked to weigh the risks of GMOs against possible gains. Yet today most of us are eating them, while kept completely in the dark as to the hazards we may be facing- for ourselves, our children, and the farming ecosystems on which our lives depend.”

I share these alarming facts with you not to scare you or judge what’s on your plate, but because this information is not openly available or accessible. Please, continue to question what is called “food.” Start to learn about what we are actually putting into our bodies every day. Then, take little baby steps to minimize processed foods if you have not already. Also, it is best to avoid corn, soy, conventional potatoes, and even conventional zucchini.

What we can do: Look for foods that have the “Non-GMO Project” verification stamped on it. This is a non-profit organization that performs rigorous research to be sure certain foods are free from GMO’s. You can even check your favorite products to see if they are safe.

 

 After all of that information, it's a great time for some comfort food. This was another amazing recipe shared by Alyssa Gustwiller- Thank you!

Make this delicious oatmeal while you are sleeping and wake up to a sweet and creamy breakfast! SO easy!

Apple Cinnamon Steel-Cut Oatmeal (Slow Cooker)

Ingredients:

2 apples, peeled, cored, cut into half inch pieces (2.5 to 3 cups chopped)

1 1/2 cups almond milk

1 1/2 cups water

1 cup uncooked steel-cut oats

2 tablespoons maple syrup

1 1/2 tablespoons Earth Balance Butter spread

1/2 tsp cinnamon (I also added 3 drops of cinnamon YL essential oil- yum!)

1 tablespoon ground flaxseed

1/4 tsp salt

Optional garnishes: chopped nuts, raisins, extra maple syrup, brown sugar, additional almond milk or butter spread

1. Coat inside of 3 1/2 quart (or larger) slow cooker with cooking spray. (I use a slow cooker liner, but I'm sure I'm about to find out they are made from pure evil...)

2. Add all ingredients (except for optional toppings). Stir, cover, and cook on low for about 7 hours. 

3. Spoon oatmeal into bowls, add additional toppings, if desired.

4. Rub tummy, say "mmmmm" and thank Alyssa.

Day 16- Protein, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Wellness

Do NOT ask what's in the protein bars in the movie Snowpiercer.

The first time I went vegan (almost 5 years ago), I gained about 15 pounds. Dismayed, I declared, “I must need more protein.” The real trouble? I told myself that since I wasn’t eating meat, I was “healthy” as I ate French fries. Anything that wasn’t an animal product was fair game. I ate all the bread I could get my hands on. Dessert. The only vegetables I would eat were broccoli, carrots, lettuce, tomatoes, potatoes, and corn. Breakfast would be coffee. Lunch would be a frozen meal, microwaved, with a side of French fries. Dinner would be pirogies or another easy, white starch. Snacks: potato chips, candy bars, cappuccinos from a machine. Yeah, must have been the lack of protein for sure…

But why did I immediately blame the protein instead of taking a closer look at my diet? And when we tell people we are vegan/vegetarian, why are they so quick to shout: “But what about your protein? You have to get enough protein! Stop right now! Eat some meat!” And then they tell me about the "unhealthy" vegetarians they know and how I'm probably going to die. Personally, all the vegetarians and vegans I know have glowing skin and firm bodies. They seem pretty healthy to me. And again, this is an experiment on how our bodies feel. I can honestly say that I'm feeling lighter, more energetic, healthier.

This is such a journey and I'm nowhere near ready to claim I am "there" yet. But it feels refreshing to go back in a direction that makes me feel so good.

We have been brainwashed as a society to eat protein, protein, protein. Protein to lose weight. Protein to gain muscle. Protein to save the world.

“The average 19- to 30-year-old American consumes 91 grams a day, nearly twice the recommended daily amount (56 grams for an adult male, 46 for an adult female)…Too much protein stresses the kidneys…and can leach calcium from the bones.” – Scott Jurek, Eat and Run

“It is a complete myth that we need a massive amount of protein,” write Barnouin and Freedman in Skinny Bitch. As a matter of fact, over-consumption of protein – especially animal protein- “can impair our kidneys; leach calcium, zinc, vitamin B, iron, and magnesium from our bodies; and cause osteoporosis, heart disease, cancer, and obesity.”

Can you remember the last time you heard of someone being hospitalized for a protein deficiency (kwashiorkor-is the clinical term)? Never heard of it. How about cancer, kidney failure, heart disease, osteoporosis, obesity? Now those sound familiar…

And on quality of life: “High amounts of protein can damage our tissues, organs, and cells, contributing to faster aging. People in other cultures consume half the amount of protein that we do, yet they live longer, healthier lives.” – Skinny Bitch

According to Rip Esselstyn in the Engine 2 Diet, as a vegan, “not only will you get all the protein that you need, for the first time in your life you won’t suffer from an excess of it.” In Forks Over Knives as he's doing climbing up the fire house pole by only his arms and we get to watch his perfectly healthy muscles ripple, he says, "Real men eat plants."

Even the strongest animals in nature – gorillas, elephants, hippos, bison –are plant eaters. And they don’t seem to have any trouble growing and thriving while eating only veggies.

According to the American Dietetic Association, “eating a vegetarian diet provides twice the amount of protein needed daily.”

Carl Lewis, winner of 10 Olympic medals in track, said that his best year competing was the first year he ate a vegan diet.

While watching Forks over Knives, I was inspired by Ruth Heidrich's story. She had thought she was eating a healthy diet, choosing chicken and fish, along with low-fat dairy and running daily. Still, she developed breast cancer and decided to join in Dr. John McDougal's research study, where breast cancer patients committed to eating a vegan diet. She felt so good on her vegan diet- during cancer treatment- that she decided to compete in the Ironman (a 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike, then running a 26.2 mile marathon.) Not only was she the first woman to compete over the age of 47, she was also the first cancer patient. She is now a six time Ironman Triathlon finisher and has won more than 900 medals in races around the world, including more than 60 marathons. Did I need to mention that the cancer reversed itself and she discovered better endurance, more energy, better sleep, and even the disappearance of arthritis?

This is Ruth at age 70. I think she looks pretty darn healthy.

Beans, nuts, seeds, lentils, whole grains, soy products, fruits, and many vegetables have plenty of protein.

Those Skinny Bitches tell us, “If you want an extra boost, treat yourself to spirulina, a high protein algae that contains omega-3 and omega-6 fatty acids, B-12 (important for vegetarians), enzymes, and minerals. It also supports the immune system, fights cancer, and helps with hypoglycemia, anemia, ulcers, diabetes, and chronic fatigue syndrome. Spirulina also contains all nine essential amino acids.”

In The Kind Diet, Alicia creates a chart that is very illuminating, so I’m sharing. This chart demonstrates the protein in steak vs. the protein in beans.

Steak                                   vs.                    Beans
20% of calories from protein                          25% of calories from protein
80% of calories from fat (mostly saturated)     5% of calories from fat (unsaturated)
0% of calories from complex carbs                 70% of calories from complex carbs
Contains excess hormones                              Help discharge excess hormones
Raises cholesterol                                           Lowers cholesterol
No fiber                                                         High in Fiber
Contains steroids, antibiotics                           If organic, contains no chemicals
Constipates                                                    Keeps you regular
Unsustainably produced                                 Sustainably grown
Depletes the earth                                          Beans add needed nitrogen to soil
$5-$10/lb (1 serving)                                     $2-$4/lb (4 servings)

Another thing you've probably heard is that “animal proteins are complete proteins and plants are not.”

According to Esselstyn, “The myth that [plant proteins are not complete] or are of a lesser quality than animal proteins, dates back to experiments performed on rats in the early 1900s. Forget the fact that rats aren’t humans, have different nutritional requirements, and need more protein than humans to support their furry little bodies. The meat, dairy, and egg industries have marketed the hell out of this ancient research and …most every Dick, Tom, and Jane thinks the only way to get complete protein is through meat, eggs, or dairy.”

So don’t worry about protein. Now you are free to focus on world peace.

Here is a protein-packed dinner:

Spicy Black Bean Soup (in the Slow Cooker)
2 cups dried black beans
8 cups water or vegetable broth
1 onion, diced
2 cloves garlic, diced
1 roasted red pepper from a jar (or roast a fresh one in oven if time)
2 ½ tomatoes, diced large
½ habanero pepper, diced small (optional)
1 TB olive oil
2 tsp cumin (one in the beginning and one for later)
2 tsp chili powder (one in the beginning and one for later)
2 tsp garlic powder (one in the beginning and one for later)
1 tsp salt
2 ears of corn, grilled or cooked (frozen corn would be okay, too – ½ cup)
½ yellow squash, grilled and diced into small pieces
For the garnish:
½ diced avocado
½ diced tomato
¼ cup fresh cilantro, chopped
2 green onions, chopped

1. Heat the olive oil in a small pan on medium heat. When hot, add the onion and sauté for about 2 minutes. Add 1 tsp each of cumin, chili powder, and garlic powder. Then add the garlic and sauté for another 30 seconds, until garlic is aromatic.

2. Place onion mixture, beans, water, tomatoes, roasted red pepper, and habanero pepper into slow cooker. Stir, set on low, and cook for 8-9 hours

3. One hour before serving, stir in 1 tsp each of cumin, chili powder, garlic powder, and salt. Re-cover and let continue to cook on low.

4. Use an immersion blender or hand mixer to puree some of the beans to thicken the soup. It’s up to you how many beans to puree and how many to keep whole based on the texture you like.

5. Grill the corn and yellow squash, then scrape corn off and dice ½ of yellow squash. (I used the other half in a salad that I served on the side.) Place corn and yellow squash into slow cooker, stir and you are now ready to serve the soup. Check seasonings and add more salt/chili powder/cumin, if necessary.

6. Ladle the soup into bowls and garnish with diced tomato, avocado, cilantro, and green onions.

If you like, you could bake corn tortillas, cut them in strips, and float on top of the soup. If no slow cooker, this would probably take 2 hours on the stove. If you don’t have a hand-held immersion blender, you could scoop some of the soup out and put it in a blender to thicken (but be careful not to fill to high and let the soup cool a bit.)

I served with a salad on the side to make it a beautifully balanced meal.

Day 15- Makes the Cheese Monster Cry and Say Goodbye

As I mentioned in an earlier post, my nickname used to be “The Cheese Monster.” At parties, my mom would hide the cheese plate from me or it was in danger of disappearing in minutes. My sister and I could polish off an entire 24 pack of Kraft singles in two days. Judging by the fact that I was at a hefty 140 pounds in 5th grade, it was probably more me than my sister… When I was diagnosed with dairy allergies in 6th grade, I listened to the doctor and stopped eating dairy products for 6 months. I was twelve and lost 30 pounds!

Unfortunately, after about a year, I rediscovered my love of cheese and suffered from constant sinus infections, headaches, never being able to breathe through my nose, and…well…a constantly uncomfortable tummy. I thought it was normal.

Dairy is NOT normal. We are the only species that drinks milk after infancy and the only species that drinks the milk of other species. And why did we pick cows? Cows produce the largest quantity of milk and it’s more economic to house them than elephants. (“Lucky elephants!” say the cows.)

“Cows’ milk, by design, grows a 90 –pound calf into a 2,000 pound cow over the course of two years. It allows calves to double their birth weight in forty-seven days and leaves their four stomachs feeling full. Sounds more fattening than human milk, right?  It is.”  Skinny Bitch

According to Freston, “So-called ‘2 percent’ milk may be 2 percent fat by volume, but it’s about 33 percent by calories, which is what actually matters.”

Remember all those nasty pesticides, hormones, antibiotics, and steroids that you know are in the meat? By eating dairy products, it is just as bad as though you ate the meat directly. As a matter of fact, Eggs have 10 times the hormone content of meat and dairy, along with a hefty dose of cholesterol and very possibly, salmonella.

I just finished watching the documentary Veducated and was crying as I watched the male chicks either thrown into a grinder or simply tossed into the garbage to starve and die since they won't lay eggs. Though places that claim "grass fed" and "free range" can be certified organic, there is still no agency that governs how the animals are actually treated. No one checks on the word "humane." I feel like this really changes things for me. Here I was, feeling good about my organic eggs, picturing those happy cows on the organic farms, smugly wondering how "those other people" can eat commercial eggs and meat. Now I find out that the treatment of the animals is basically no different.

Dairy products have been linked to osteoporosis, allergies, acne, anemia, anxiety, arthritis, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, autism, fibromyalgia, headaches, heartburn, indigestion, irritable bowel syndrome, joint pain, poor immune function, ear infections, colic, obesity, heart disease, diabetes, autism, Crohn’s disease, breast and prostate cancers, and ovarian cancer.

Why do I have to keep re-learning this lesson? I swear off cheese, feel better, almost start to breathe and then...I dive face-first into cheesecake, "have to" eat the pizza, lose my mind in ice cream (pictured above.) Can I just say it wasn't my fault? That I was drugged?

Actually, yes. Casein, present in cheese, eventually breaks down through digestion to become casomorphins. Yeah, like “morphine.” So casein is an opiate, sending pleasure to your brain, soothing you and making you want more. You had no choice but to equate cheese with love. Not only are you drugged, but casein and milk proteins have been shown to “dramatically increase blood cholesterol and its associated lesion that leads to heart disease.” Not bad enough for you? It also promotes cancer development.

T. Colin Campbell is responsible for the China Study, one of the most significant studies on the pitfalls of animal products and their link to cancer and other diseases. After one of his clinical experiments, he wrote, “Even when huge doses of cancer-causing toxins were given to study subjects, tumors grew only when they were fed casein.”

The American Cancer Society recommends eating mostly plant sources and to limit high-fat foods, especially from animal sources, if you want to reduce the risk of cancer.

I was very surprised to learn that milk actually leaches calcium from the body! Where are the lowest incidences of osteoporosis on earth? Surely America, since we drink all that milk, right? WRONG. Dairy –free countries. “The more milk a population consumes, the weaker its bones get.” Yes, milk has calcium, but at the same time it also releases even more of it.  According to The Kind Diet, “Meat and dairy are the chief causes of osteoporosis, not the cures.”

So how to get your calcium? Eat fortified grains, kale, collard greens, mustard greens, cabbage, kelp, seaweed, watercress, chickpeas, broccoli, red beans, soybeans, tofu, seeds, and nuts.

Calcium Milligrams per 100-gram serving:

Butter
20
Whole Milk
118
Chickpeas
150
Collard greens
203
Parsley
203
Soybeans
226
Almonds
234
Sesame seeds
1160

“The Chinese, throughout their long and complicated history, have never included milk or cheese in their diets. It’s only in the very recent past that dairy has been introduced as a daily food, and with it has come a rapid rise in health problems like obesity and breast cancer.” – The Kind Diet, Alicia Silverstone

Where women consume high-fat, animal-based diets, the American Dietic Association reports incidences of breast cancer at the highest.

In fact, “in countries where dairy is not consumed the incidence of breast cancer is so low as to be almost nonexistent. Once women in those countries begin eating Western diets, however, their breast cancer rates increased eightfold.” – Kind Diet

So if you drop all animal products, these are the long-term benefits:
1.  More energy – Liver and kidneys work harder to digest animal products – you are testing this right now!  Do you feel lighter?
2.  Clearer skin – Animal meat contains hormones
3.  Alleviation of chronic conditions, like arthritis – “80 percent of milk protein comes from casein, and casein is believed to aggravate arthritis.” –Freston
(I can already feel a significant reduction in my chronic back pain and it's only been two weeks.)

Not to mention, much lower risk of all the other diseases listed above.

When sugar is back on the menu and you're ready for a treat, check out SoDelicious ice “cream” bars. They are made with coconut milk and they are, well, SO DELICIOUS! My favorite ice "cream" is by the Coconut Bliss brand- they have chocolate brownie and caramel fudge flavors that are incredible. I make “Tofutti” cheese sandwiches (best if you combine with veggies – the taste isn’t exactly cheese) and pizza with Daiya "mozzarella" shreds. Tofu can act like scrambled eggs, but be sure it's organic.


To be completely honest, I'm feeling upset with myself right now. I convinced myself for a year that I "needed" to be more flexible with my diet. It was a slippery slope into horrible health, weight gain, energy loss, and carelessly contributing to the demise of our precious environment. In our society where eating meat and cheese is a central part of the culture, it is very difficult to hang onto your principles, to choose tofu when cheese covered bacon is sitting next to it. To be constantly asked why, even openly challenged by loved ones and teased at gatherings. I was tired of being teased. I was tired of being "picky" and "annoying." But I'm more tired of being fat, sluggish, and achy. I'm more annoyed at how heartlessly animals are being treated. I'm feeling picky about the shape I want our earth to be in for my niece, for her children, and their children. I'm ready to stop whining, stop making excuses, and start protecting my health, saving precious lives, and preserving the environment with my consistent, daily choices.

Encouragement from the Quantum Wellness Cleanse:

Yes, this is a lot of information, “but with awareness comes resolve. The more aware you are of why it’s so important to change the way you eat, the better you will be able to stick with the program. With this knowledge under your belt, the cleanse will feel less like a restriction and more like the upgrade that it is. And should you decide to maintain these upgrades after the completion of the cleanse, you will do so with the awareness that you have made a profound lifestyle choice with far-ranging, life-long positive benefits.”


More fabulous recipes tomorrow!

Day 14- Food for the Spirit

“There is a sacrosanct quality to taking something into your body to nourish it.  Treat the foods you eat with the respect they deserve.”- Eat Yourself Super, Dr. Todd Pesek

We’ve made it through two weeks! Have you started noticing a more kind, spiritual connection yet? I know that I was surprised by it the first time I did the cleanse. I felt, and still feel, more gentle in the world and proud of myself.

“By giving up meat and dairy, you withdraw your support from industries that take a toxic toll on the environment and on the well-being of your fellow humans…By not eating animals, you are reducing the needless suffering that occurs in the world, on many levels.  Whether or not that’s a priority for you, isn’t it nice to know that being good to yourself benefits others?  You’ve arrived at the place where kindness to yourself meets kindness to the earth meets kindness to other creatures, and that’s pretty cool.  Abstaining from animal products is a profound act, with physical, emotional, and even spiritual benefits.” – The Kind Diet, Alicia Silverstone

In the Quantum Wellness Cleanse, Kathy Freston writes that by changing a few eating habits, we also align our behaviors with our spirituality, our sense of values.  She encourages us to keep our eyes – and our hearts- open and to think deeply about everything that goes into feeding ourselves the diet that we’ve grown accustomed to.  In this way, we become more conscious eaters.  She writes: “Just slow down enough to ponder the big picture, and soon enough, it will begin to come into focus.”

The reason that I have posted a new recipe every day is to share with you how abundantly delightful vegan, and even gluten-free eating can be. We have traded in brown and gray colored foods for the colors of the rainbow, for vegetables so delicious they make you crave more, grains that are nourishing and make your body sing, like quinoa and brown rice, new sources of protein like black beans, black-eyed peas, chickpeas, seeds, and nuts. An avocado can taste like butter and is wonderful on top of spicy, Mexican dishes in place of cheese. I never used to like green beans until I found the recipes I’ve shared with you. This has been a great opportunity to reach outside of my comfort zone and to try new vegetables and recipes. 

In Eat Yourself Super, Dr. Todd Pesek writes:
“There is no substitute for home-prepared, close-to-nature whole foods…plant based, nutrient-dense, calorie sparse.”   He also says, “When you love people, feed them.  But only yummy, healthful food.”

Freston urges us, before sitting down to eat, ask yourself:
How can I eat in a way that is kind, responsible, and attuned to the needs of my body?
What can I do to bring my life to the highest vibration possible?

Kathy’s Meditation:

“I open my eyes so that I might heal.  What a powerful statement.  It means I am ready to confront the darkness within (the parts of myself that care only about immediate or personal satisfaction) and darkness in our world.  By nudging myself to open my eyes, I will begin to see what needs to shift on a fundamental level.  By healing myself and becoming more aware and thoughtful about my choices, I am also offering that light and healing outward into the world.”

Day 13- Moo-ve Over, Meat

“Avoid as many animal products as possible. The vast majority of major publications regarding disease prevention and reversal support this, and in the healthiest parts of the world, animal (whether it flies, swims, runs, jumps or slithers) and dairy consumption is nowhere near the epic proportions reached in the Western diet. Eliminate animals and animal products from your diet for optimal health.” – Dr. Todd Pesek, Eat Yourself Super

When I first blogged about this cleanse, this was the easy part for me and such a nice soapbox to stand on. I had been vegan for quite some time and had nearly forgotten how hard it is to give up eating meat. This time, I have actually called myself a “recovering vegetarian” for the last year and have even written in a local publication about my glorious reunion with bacon. So, I'm going to be very honest and tell you that I have been craving a bacon cheeseburger for the last several days. But I've also enjoyed being rediscovering this very light, gentle feeling in my body.

The biggest reason I decided to start this particular cleanse at this time is because though I had every intention of using meat only as a garnish, only about once a week, and only with responsibly sourced meat. Then, the slippery slope led me into more of a habitual consumption of meat and my rules became more and more lax. Now, I'm at my heaviest weight and am still battling to get my energy back. It seemed like the perfect time to re-set my body and remember why I had ever chosen to be vegan to start with.

So why is this such an important topic to consider for optimal health?

Eating meat and animal products leads to a great risk of cardiovascular disease and stroke, contributes to arthritis pain, increases cholesterol, and has been linked with not only causing cancer, but also for serving as fuel when cancer already exists.

Every time you consume factory-farmed chicken, beef, veal, pork, eggs, or dairy, you are eating antibiotics, pesticides, steroids, and hormones:

“Half of all the antibiotics made in the United States each year are administered to farm animals, causing antibiotic resistance in the humans who eat them. A study at the University of California Berkeley linked eating beef to urinary tract infections (UTIs) in women. It just so happens that the most common infectious disease in women is UTIs.” – Skinny Bitch

Feeling proud about eating only “white meat” and maybe “the other white meat?” These were slogans invented by the meat industry. Chicken has just as much fat and cholesterol as beef. It hides in the muscle. It might even be worse; eating chicken and fish has been linked to colon cancer.

Fish alternatives that contain essential fatty acids, vitamins, minerals, and protein are: flaxseeds, pumpkin, sesame, sunflower seeds, nuts, soybeans, fruits, vegetables, leafy greens, soy products, and whole grains. But please, organic soy only- more info on that in a few days.

And as if Mad Cow Disease, pink sludge, E. Coli, and tainted meat aren't scary enough, did you know that there is fecal matter in half or more of all chicken? Skinless was even worse than skin-on. Kathy Freston Investigates: There's Poop in our Chicken Meat!

What about protein? Will I get enough?
It’s a myth that vegans don’t get enough protein. There are many cases of disease caused by getting too much protein, but it’s exceptionally rare to not get enough. Just make sure you are eating beans, lentils, nuts, whole grains, and seeds.

“A portion of meat may have a high density of various essential amino acids, but it also has loads of saturated fats. Proteins from legumes and grains, on the other hand, can deliver an equal number of amino acids with little saturated fat.” Plus, vegetables are high in fiber, where animal protein has none, and high in vitamins and minerals (again, meat has none.)

There's always the argument: “Man is superior. That is why I eat animals. Because I can – we’re at the top of the food chain.”

Interesting. “If you study animals in the wild, you will note that they do not rely on anything other than their natural hunting ability, speed, strength, claws, teeth, and jaws. They have no tools or weapons. Now look at yourself. Look at your flimsy fingernails in comparison to an eagle’s talons. Look at your flat, blunt teeth compared to a lion’s fangs. Compare your speed and agility to that of a tiger. Compare the strength of your jaw to a wolf’s. Imagine yourself trying to run after an animal, catch it, and kill it using your bare hands, fingernails, teeth, and jaws. Not only would you look ridiculous, but you’d probably get your ass kicked, too. And even if you were successful, envision yourself feasting on the kill without the aid of an oven and silverware.” – Skinny Bitch

The more I read, the more considerable the evidence grows that we have been fed dangerous lies, hormones, chemicals, and complacency. There is SO MUCH more to this – the science, the studies, the specific chemicals, the acidity of meat, the diseases spread by tainted meat, the hormones released by terrified animals, all of the health complications linked to meat, the profit of an industry leading to loss in our health, the environmental devastation. It’s all preventable. If you are interested in learning more, I would recommend the following:

The Kind Diet by Alicia Silverstone – she’s even kind to you as you read it. Her recipes are awesome. Highly recommend.

Skinny Bitch by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin – a no-nonsense approach. They tell it like it is and sometimes that’s what we need to hear.

The Engine 2 Diet by Rip Esselstyn – Son of Caldwell B. Esselstyn, Jr., MD, who conducted ground-breaking research at the Cleveland Clinic in reversing heart disease through a plant-based diet. He’s been a professional triathlete and is currently a firefighter. He has great advice, scientific evidence to back his claims, and even an exercise plan to go along with eating plan and recipes. A good one to give to your male friends; he makes being vegan sound very manly and cool.

21-Day Weight Loss Kickstart by Neil D. Barnard, MD – He’s one of the ones that all these other folks quote. Solid information and meal plans.

The Blue Zone: Lessons for Living Longer from the People Who’ve Lived the Longest by Dan Buettner - Interviews with people in the “Blue Zones” along with advice and conclusions drawn based on research. Good stuff like “Walk six miles a day”, “laugh often”, “find the meaning in your life and live with joy”, as well as dietary advice.

The Quantum Wellness Cleanse: The 21-Day Essential Guide to Healing Your Body, Mind, and Spirit by Kathy Freston – I think you know a bit about this one by now.

Documentaries:
All very lively documentaries that held my interest the whole time. Fast-paced, fascinating, and life-changing. Check them out. You don’t even have to read.
Food, Inc.
Hungry for Change
Fat, Sick, & Nearly Dead

I’m still reading and will keep you posted!

And now for a protein-packed meal:

Black Bean Enchiladas
Makes 4 servings

1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
1 small onion, chopped
3 large garlic cloves, finely chopped
1 teaspoon ground cumin
2 cans (15 oz) lack beans, rinsed and drained
1 can (4 oz) chopped mild green chilies, drained
1 to 2 tablespoons fresh lime juice
1 to tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro
Salt and pepper, to taste
8 (6 inch) corn tortillas (or other gluten free)
Quick Enchilada Sauce (below)

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F (175 C). Lightly oil an 11 x7 inch baking dish and set aside.

2. In a large nonstick skillet, heat the oil over medium heat. Add the onion and cook, stirring, until softened, 3 to 5 minutes. 

3. Add the garlic and cumin and cook, stirring constantly, for 1 minute.

4. Add the beans, chilies, lime juice, cilantro, salt and pepper, stir until thoroughly combined and remove from the heat.

5. Meanwhile, arrange the tortillas on a large ungreased baking sheet (some overlap is okay) and place in the oven until just warmed and softened, about 5 minutes.

6. Spread about 1/3 cup of Quick Enchilada Sauce along the bottom of the prepared baking dish.  Spoon equal portions of the black bean mixture (about ½ cup) along the center of each tortilla and roll up; snugly arrange tortillas, seams side down, in the baking dish.

7. Pour the remaining Quick Enchilada Sauce evenly over the tortillas. 

8. Bake for 20 minutes, or until the sauce is bubbling and the enchiladas are heated through.

I also made an avocado/tomato salsa topping that was delightful: Dice 1 avocado and 1/2 tomato, mix with cilantro, garlic powder, salt, and a spritz of lime juice.

Quick Enchilada Sauce
*For slightly less spicy, use ½ tablespoon less of chili powder

2 cups vegetable broth
3 tablespoons chili powder
½ teaspoon ground cumin
½ teaspoon onion powder
1/8 teaspoon garlic powder
1 ½ tablespoons cornstarch, dissolved in 3 tablespoons water

In a small saucepan, bring all the ingredients, except the cornstarch mixture, to a boil over medium heat. Whisk in the cornstarch mixture and boil for 1 minute, whisking constantly. Remove from the heat and serve warm.
*Recipes From the Gluten-Free Vegetarian Kitchen (I am loving this book!)


*Note about the picture: I laid the tortillas flat , filled them, then made a top layer to make more of a casserole because I didn't feel like rolling them up. I also added chopped zucchini. The goo that looks like cheese is Daiya (non-dairy cheese) and helped it stick, but many people don't love it, so I didn't list it as an ingredient.