A Runner's Journey

Blinding pain greeted me yesterday morning.  I lifted my head from the pillow to find a knife in my neck, throbbing waves of agony up and down through my shoulder, dancing down to my low back.  All I did was try to look right.

All day, normal tasks became monumental; I cried while putting dishes in the dishwasher and struggled even to sit up with my head in an upright position.

And then the memories come flooding back:

Looking in the rearview mirror to see the little yellow car moving too fast towards me.  The sound of metal on metal.  Quitting my job as a preschool photographer in Texas because I could no longer lift my 200 pound studio and moving into my mom’s basement in Ohio.  The knife that stayed lodged in my back despite the giant cortisone shots straight into my spine (6 times!), physical therapy, ice, heat, rinse, repeat, acupuncture (oh god, there are needles in my face), stretches, pain pills while I dragged myself through 50 hours a week as a temp with no days off, being told I would never be a runner again, the strawberry kisses and peanut butter cups that became the only ones I confided in, the depression, the isolation, the despair.  Nothing helped for years.  "But I'm so young!  Surely, it will just go away one day..."

Years of chiropractic care, sickness - withdrawal from the pills, ignoring the doctor’s advice to keep taking them forever, reclaiming my body, my mind – finally finding relief – slowly, so very slowly.  After 8 years of daily pain, pushing myself to run again, taking motrin every day, ice, working out twice a day, ice again, spinning classes, yoga classes, running my first 5k, then my first 10k with tears of joy, feeling strong and happy, lifting weights, feeling heroic, finally moving out of pain…

For about 4 months. 

THEN… the sound of metal yet again, looking up to see the black car to my right that had just pushed me into oncoming traffic.  The thought, “no, please no…” the pain instantly returning, again the slow- why does it have to be so slow?- healing.  Pouring all of my time and money again into the chiropractor, yoga, massages, yoga therapy…

Now, 1.5 years later, the thrill of running a mile again.  2 miles.  3.1.  Training for another 10k.  Growing strong through yoga, stretching every day, staying focused – it takes so much focus to run out of this pain- getting ready for a 4 mile run next Saturday…
And now another little set back.  I hope I can still run next Saturday.  Next year.  In 20 years. 

Keep going.  Keep pushing.  Tomorrow will be better.  Ice.  Motrin.  And… smile.  It’s been worse.  I’m growing strong again.  I’ve learned so much.


Why run?  Because I can.  When my body lets me, it feels like flying, like freedom.  After herniated discs and whiplash, it makes me feel like a superhero.  Just like I told my 2nd graders before running my first 10k, "You can do anything."