Consciousness Cleansing

Recently, I’ve started a 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse by Debbie Ford.  I am only on the second day and I feel peaceful but strong, with an increasing sense of purpose. 

One thing that I already find profoundly different is the quiet strength that comes from avoiding the media.  According to the book, social media like Facebook can lead to comparing yourself to others, instead of looking within to focus on your own path.  Everyone’s path is definitively unique to them and their dreams, so why would I look to measure my success based on another’s pictures, postings, life events?  I didn’t even realize I was doing this until I stopped.  Even after two days, I can feel my self-confidence increasing, as well as faith in my own journey.

I’ve also been drastically limiting television, especially programs that are violent or stressful.  A favorite reading of mine by Thich Nhat Hanh in Peace is Every Step says,

“Watching a bad TV program, we become the TV program.  We are what we feel and perceive…  We can be anything we want, so why do we open our windows to bad TV programs made by sensationalist producers in search of easy money, programs that make our hearts pound, our fists tighten, and leave us exhausted?  Who allows such TV programs to be made and seen by even the very young?  We do!  We are too undemanding, too ready to watch whatever is on the screen, too lonely, lazy, or bored to create our own lives.  We turn on the TV and leave it on, allowing someone else to guide us, shape us, and destroy us.  Losing ourselves in this way is leaving our fate in the hands of others who may not be acting responsibly.”

My husband isn’t exactly thrilled about this, as we just started watching Breaking Bad and I’ve requested we put it on hold for a little while.  Luckily, he’s very supportive and understanding, though, so I’m optimistic that my marriage will survive the turn from daily time staring at the TV together for hours as lumps on the couch.  I’m hoping we can get outside a bit more and find some delight in nature before it gets too cold here in Ohio. 

I’m hoping to come through this cleanse as a Best-Selling Author, successful new business owner (more on that later), and Overall Better Person.  A skinny one.  Oh right, it’s not that kind of cleanse this time.  OK, so really I’d like to be more peaceful and powerful in my own life.  Wish me luck!

A Wink from the Sun - Being Present

It’s a grey and rainy day and I’m looking at the dashboard clock.  Traffic is heavier than usual and I’m driving in haste, replaying the busy of the day and cringing a bit as I race along.

Suddenly, I realize that the sun is setting a bit later as a shimmering strip of bright pink spills out over the dark gray cloud.  The surprising streak lights its way through a tiny corner of the sky, winking hello and intimating sunshine’s return.  I could have so easily missed that flirty, subtle slip of pink with its promise of hope, color, and warmth to come.  What if I had been focused on the cars in front of me and the gloomy pall cast over buildings for my whole drive?

It makes me wonder what else I’ve missed.  How many times have there been tiny, bright streaks of sunshine while I’m watching the road and whining about the busy?  How many beautiful but brief moments of gratitude have passed me by?

That little moment filled my heart with joyful expectation that the warming season is coming, that life and days won’t always be so gray. 

Just as we breathe through the tougher seasons of life, just as we dream of summer’s warmth on our shoulders, the sun waits.  It’s not gone.  We just can’t see its whole face yet. 

I pray for the freedom of heart to stay focused on the beauty of life, on the richness that hides quietly inside this present moment.

Day 9 – A Surprising Obstacle

Hopefully, your initial cravings have passed, along with any withdrawal symptoms.  Now is a good time to pause and give yourself a big hug (it’s possible and it feels really nice!  Try it for real!)  You should be so proud – I am.  It’s been over a week that we have eliminated alcohol, animal products, caffeine, gluten, and sugar- staples that “can’t be lived without” for many.  This is hard core.  And we are rockin’!

My husband, Vida, and I went on a short retreat to The Lodge at Geneva-on-the-Lake – WINE COUNTRY!  Luckily, Vida decided to give up drinking with me in support of the cleanse.  That helped.  I think we were the only sober adults in the whole place!  At the pool, we saw people carrying beer and frozen drinks from the refreshment stand.  Instead we sipped on water, then went for a six- mile bike ride.  At dinner, we watched people, sipping elegantly on their wine at the beginning of the evening (while I felt a bit envious), then stumbling and slurring by the end (when I felt a little better.)   The next day, we remarked to each other how that was the first time we had been there and not drinking.  At the risk of sounding like an after school special, I’m going to venture to say it was better.  I was able to be present and enjoy every single moment: the sun on my skin at the pool, every color in the gorgeous sunset, the lake view and breeze as we biked, every bite of the delicious food.  

Alcohol was not the only temptation.  There was an omelet station for breakfast (my favorite!) and the cheese in Vida’s omelet started looking lasciviously at me and purring my name.  I told the omelet, “Back off!  I feel amazing and nothing is worth giving that up.”

Luckily, there were even a couple of vegan options on the menu – a marinated tofu stir-fry and a black bean burger (which I ordered without the bun, but indulged in the guacamole!)

As we were watching the sunset and I was sipping on my sparkling water with lemon, Vida ordered an ice cream sundae.  I was feeling very smug that I would be just fine, when the waitress, who had astutely noticed me ordering vegan items, mentioned that there was fresh raspberry sorbet.  No dairy.  But sugar!  I thought, “no,” but somehow my lips said yes and it appeared before me moments later.  Well… it was delicious.  I ate only half of the one little scoop and savored every bite.  What was really interesting was the sugar buzz that happened to me after!  I was slap-happy and giggling non-stop for about an hour, then suddenly, as the fun was just starting, the sugar crashed and I was sleeping.  I even had a bit of a headache the next morning.  I never realized that sugar had such an effect, so it was an amusing experiment.

I had a fortified wall up against the things that I know tempt me the most (coffee, cheese, eggs, wine, bread, pasta) but I fell in a moment to sugar, when I’ve always been one who can pass on desserts without too much trouble.  Surprise!

I’m going to take my own advice and not beat myself up about it, but instead be proud of all the other temptations that I was able to vanquish.  And now today is a new day.  I’ve also decided that I’m in it for the long haul and this is how I would like to eat for the rest of my life.  I already feel better than ever and it’s exciting.

I struggled with sharing this slip up, in fear that you will now throw in the towel, declare me a fraud, and stick your face in a chocolate cake with a side of beef.  I can hear your now happier body shouting, “Please don’t!”  Hopefully you will be even stronger than me.  But if not, get back to it on the next meal and take note of how your body reacted.  I’ve been giving this advice and meaning it, but never thought I would have to listen to it!

Meditation:
“Throughout the day, I will say to myself with eyes closed, I examine myself.  I will always be challenged by various situations-relationship conflicts, stress at work, drama with my kids- and thus experience feelings that are uncomfortable.  All of this provides the friction necessary for my personal growth.  If everything went along swimmingly all the time, I would never have the opportunity to stretch myself, or work at pushing through the obstacles that keep me stagnant.  In order to keep moving forward, I can step back from the feelings and examine them, noting how familiar or repetitive they are… As I now see it, the purpose of my life is to grow and awaken to the powerful potential that is within.  My most sacred mission is to focus on moving through the places that hold me back.”

I added green onions.  Mine was a little too brothy, so I reduced the liquid in the recipe below.

Comfort Food - Sweet Potato, Lentil, and Chickpea Curry
Since this is cooked in the slow cooker, the ingredients get gooey, but retain the nutrients.  Delicious!
If you don’t have a slow cooker, make it like a stew and simmer for at least an hour or two.

1 cup dried, split chickpeas
1 cup red or brown lentils
3 cups water (or more depending on what package says for chickpeas and lentils)
2 teaspoons pure chile powder
1 teaspoon turmeric
1 sweet potato, peeled and diced
1 can diced tomatoes
½ cup coconut milk
Salt to taste
¼ cup cilantro (optional)
1 jalapeno chile, seeded and diced small (optional)

1. Put chickpeas, lentils, water, turmeric, chile powder, sweet potato, and diced tomatoes in slow cooker.  Cover and cook on low for 6 to 8 hours, or until chickpeas and lentils are tender.

2. Remove the cover and gently stir in coconut milk.  Add salt to taste and also sample to see if you should add more turmeric & chili powder.  Cook for another ½ hour to an hour.

3. Serve and top each serving with one tablespoon of cilantro and a bit of chopped jalapeno.

Happiness Machine

"Should a Happiness Machine, he wondered, be something you can carry in your pocket?

Or, he went on, should it be something that carries you in its pocket?"
                         -Dandelion Wine, Ray Bradbury

Amid this lovely, whimsical writing, is a story where the character succeeds in making a happiness machine.  But the machine makes everyone sad because it shows pictures of places that everyone should go, things that everyone should like, expensive things like Paris and those that make you crave more things - but the characters had not actually experienced them and in learning that they wanted, they cried.

He spent so much time and energy creating this machine that he had collapsed in exhaustion when finished.  He was chagrined to realize that his invention had failed.

But when he looks inside the front window of his house, he sees his wife cooking, his children reading and playing games... looking at his family, he realizes that it's his life that is the true "Happiness Machine;" it's his beloved family.  He'd had no need to put his energy into inventing the happiness.  It was there all along.

Happiness is found in the moments of life.  It is not around the corner - once we buy this or finish that.  It is here.  It is now.

The Happiness Machine is life, carrying us in its pocket.  It is the memories and experiences we collect, the people we choose to surround ourselves with, sunshine on shoulders, a favorite song, a cup of tea or a caramel mocha, a hot shower, a walk in the park, holding a baby, catching up with a friend, receiving a hug from a child, taking a moment to relax, a roof over your head.  Sip and enjoy.

Sometimes being Kind is as important as being Present

Because I was trying so hard to focus on being present while my Type A family members were trying to rush from point A to point B while discussing point C, I found myself growing utterly impatient.  I wanted my companions to EXPERIENCE New York City since it was their first time there.  I wanted to “stop and smell the…” ok, in NYC maybe I didn’t want to use the sense of smell as much.

But definitely to linger, to soak it in.  I found myself getting rushed along and growing bitter.

However, I now realize that just because being present was important to me, it was still something that I was struggling with just a month ago.  How could I expect my travel companions to be open to it or even consciously trying to employ it when it was still so new to me and not at all a focus for them? 

What’s ironic and a little bit awful is that I was so critical of how we were losing our experiences in the present moment, that I spent a great deal of time in my head being angry, also losing my own experience.  What I missed was kindness and compassion.  And now I can never get that time back to experience travel with 3 of my truly favorite people who I love dearly.

I’d like to illustrate an experience to give you an idea of what I was facing - If only I had been able to giggle then instead of turn grumpy (another excuse: it was 95 degrees and humid…)

Ahead of time, my mom emailed: “I was told by the hotel that we must be sure we travel only in the YELLOW NYC TAXI CABS.  Not the black gypsy cabs.”  I acknowledged the email, saying, “yes, this is good advice.”

As we were exiting the airport, there was a sign: Ground Transportation.  As we were walking in that direction, my mom said to my aunt, “We must make sure it’s a yellow taxi cab.”  My aunt said to me, “make sure it’s a yellow taxi cab.”  While looking at the sign, my mom asked, “But does Ground Transportation mean they will have the YELLOW taxi cabs?” 

My aunt promptly found someone working at the airport to ask if “Ground Transportation was the way towards the YELLOW taxi cabs.”  We were told yes, go outside the door and you will find many yellow taxi cabs waiting.  As we walked outside, they were still reiterating to each other that we must find a yellow taxi cab.

The line was very long and I saw a sign for another taxi stand around the way.  I decided to go ahead and check it out.  There were yellow cabs lined up all around the corner and very few people waiting, so I ran back and told my mom and aunt to follow me.  The questions:

“Did you find taxi cabs?”  “Are you quite sure they are YELLOW taxi cabs?” 

Exasperated, I walked forward, wordlessly leading the way.  As they looked at the yellow cabs lined up around the block, my mom asked, “But are they New York City yellow taxi cabs?”  I pointed out that they said “New York City” on the side and that they were indeed very yellow.

As I looked around the city, my mom and aunt discussed among themselves how they had to be sure that all of our taxi cabs were yellow…

Looking back now with love, I can see that they were just nervous to be in a new city and they wanted to try to control the few things that they saw themselves able to control for their comfort level. 

The Experience is just as much about not judging everything that happens as it is about stopping to notice and appreciate the moments.

Prana, Freedom, and Dandelion Wine

Between healthy eating, exercise, and solar yoga, which focuses on the power of the sun, energy is coursing through me.  In yoga, it’s called prana (meaning “vital life” in Sanskrit.)  It is the healing energy and life-sustaining force that flows through your breath.  In a yoga class yesterday, I swear to you, I felt electricity in my fingertips and flowing out of the top of my head.  It feels like freedom, light, and power.

I just began reading Ray Bradbury’s Dandelion Wine as a hello to summer and a tribute to one of my favorite authors, who just passed away last week.

(Maybe not so) coincidentally, the passage I was reading yesterday ties perfectly:

     “I’m alive, he thought…

The grass whispered under his body.  He put his arm down, feeling the sheath of fuzz on it, and, far away, below, his toes creaking in his shoes.  The world slipped bright over the glassy round of his eyeballs like images sparked in a crystal sphere.  Flowers were sun and fiery spots of sky strewn through the woodland…  His breath raked over his teeth, going in ice, coming out fire… Ten thousand individual hairs grew a millionth of an inch on his head…The million pores on his body opened.

I’m really alive!  he thought.  I never knew it before, or if I did I don’t remember!”

There is vibrant energy and power inside each of us and if we are busily rushing through life and focusing on material things and worries, we could miss it entirely, except perhaps in the glimpses of greatness of a revelatory moment.  Slow down!  Don’t miss this!

I ask you, as Bradbury’s main character asks, “does everyone in the world…know [s]he’s alive?”