A Mummy's Guide to Freedom

 

"And the day came when the risk
to remain tight in a bud
was more painful than the risk
it took to blossom."
-Anais Nin

 

I feel these protective layers smothering me. At first they were light, floating, gossamer sheaths of chiffon that I gently cloaked around myself, dancing, winking playfully at life. Then came the thicker materials: burlap, leather, drywall, the hair shirt, the ironclad ball and chain around the ankle.

It's natural- scary things happen to us in life. We fall down unexpectedly, we fight, we fail, we are betrayed, abandoned, overwhelmed by loss. The subconscious starts enfolding us in these lovely protective layers when we need them. But what happens when we don't let them go once the need has passed?

As the armor grows heavier, the movement of the body slows. The mind reaches for external comfort, creating its own layer of protective fog and busyness. The spirit grows heavy, sad.

Even our earth is now frozen over, protecting her seedlings, her bounty. My toes long to dig warmly into the strength of her soil.

I hear the urgent whisper, "Let go, let go, let go..."

There is no telling how many times we need to go through this process. Once we've sorted through and let go of all the "stuff," life is still happening, constantly changing no matter how tightly we are gripping. We must always re-evaluate: what am I clinging to? What layers are holding me back?

Practical steps I am taking right now to peel back the layers:

- It all started with the cleanse. First, I freed the digestive flow inside and have paid closer attention to how to feed my body instead of smothering it. Giving up animal products has helped me align my actions with the spirit of my heart. By giving up the dairy products that I'd been eating with a severe allergy, I'm physically removing layers from my sinuses that were literally blocking my primal, root chakra sense of smell. What an obvious layer between me and the experiences of the world. Goodbye!

-I am beginning to move more with physical exercise to peel back what I've jokingly referred to as my "layer of pizza." For extra incentive, I've signed up for a weight loss competition and have enrolled in personal training sessions with my friend and talented trainer, Samantha Jackson at the awesome YDM gym.

-To gain better clarity, I am turning inward. For Lent, I've "given up" the chatter of my Facebook newsfeed so that instead of focusing on the lives of others, I can ask myself how to truly make my own life shine to the best of my ability.

 "When we seek answers outside ourselves, we go deeper into the wilderness, further from home." - Meditations from the Mat

 -I'm reading The 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse by Debbie Ford. I've tried this before and wasn't ready. I hope that I am now! Cheers to Day 1.

-I've been leading a Chakra series and as I teach others how to release old habits to find power and balance emotionally, amazing things have been happening as I go through the process again myself, letting go of fears, doubts, and past traumas.

-In an effort to open my heart, I am sharing this experience with you in the hope that it can help.

What You Can Do:

-Make some time for yourself to sit quietly and journal and/or meditate as you explore your desires, dreams, and life. Journal on what your fears are and how you can overcome them. Hint: Step one is affirming that you choose to let it go. Journal on your life's dreams and what holds you back. Without the pressure of forcing yourself to give these things up immediately, simply allow yourself to imagine what your life could look like if you did let go of the negative and you could thrive as your ideal self, realizing your wildest goals.

-Determine the proper balance and identify your own layers. Notice if it's a heavy layer of inertia (more time on the couch, a couple of extra pounds) or if it's a layer of frantic busy-ness and constant motion. If the thought of sitting quietly for an hour or taking a gentle, lay on the floor yoga class makes you angry, that's a good indicator that you need to slow down. If you feel like you are in a layer of SAD, winter molasses, get moving regularly and create a routine for yourself. If you're patting yourself on the back for your rigid routine that never budges, create a little freedom by trying something new- get a massage, dance in your living room instead of going to the gym one evening a week, take a bath.

-Find a healing practice for yourself with a practitioner you trust to help shed the emotional and spiritual barriers with guidance. This could be Body Wisdom, Reiki, Counseling, working with the Angels, yoga, working through the chakras, Emotional Release with essential oils,  even getting a massage. To take the best care of others, you must first take care of yourself. Ideal healing arts sessions help you to better know yourself and grow.

-Consider a cleanse to take some of the energy off your digestion so you can focus inward. This is a great way to notice and honor your body and its needs. You can begin with Day 1 of the cleanse on this blog or find one that works for you. Whole 30 is another great cleanse I've heard about. I'm beginning the Master Cleanse (cayenne lemonade) on March 7th and the instructions will be available here, too.

-Take a break from the media. Limit your TV time- perhaps even take a day or two off per week. Either give up Facebook/Twitter/Instagram, etc. completely for 21-40 days or give yourself a time limit each day that you strictly adhere to. Limit time spent on emails and YouTube as well. If this thought makes you feel completely frantic, it is very, very necessary. You will be amazed by the perspective when/if you choose to come back.

-Read Light. You can choose self-study through gorgeous spiritual books, like Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh or Anatomy of the Spirit by Carolyn Myss. Choose books that lift your spirit and open your mind, especially those that instruct on letting go and being present. Message me if you want more- this is one of my favorite pastimes!

Keep in mind that our layers have layers, born of layers that were layered over layers. This work is like peeling an onion and as you go deeper, you learn things you never could have imagined. When you are ready, the layer starts to peel. Then it's up to you to really dig in there. And it's WORTH IT!

The Power of a Purple Skirt

Suddenly, I noticed the slew of questions I’ve always asked before getting dressed each day: “What will others be wearing?” “What is appropriate for this event/this place?” “What will I be expected to wear?”  This lulled me into wearing the standby black pants haunting me from my corporate attire nearly everywhere.  I would throw on the same rotating outfits for the past – wow – probably 5 years.  I actually thought that I was thinking about what I wanted to wear.

Yesterday was a wardrobe revolution filled with new questions: I asked my body how it wanted to be draped, inquired what would make my spirit soar.  Putting on my beautiful, flowing purple skirt with a t-shirt, I set out for work and for the day. 

My purple skirt twirled me through the day and wrapped me in joy.  Living in each moment, I breathed in spring blossom trees everywhere, plopped down in the grass on a blanket with a book, felt the soft skirt against my legs while it danced in the breeze.

I’d never before noticed this internal dialogue and the way it was limiting me.  From now on, I am asking ME what to wear.  I will consider more than color, more than black cotton pants or jeans? The last time I dressed authentically on a regular basis was in 5th grade, resulting in lots of fluorescent colors and mismatching, ruffles and skirts with tennis shoes.  Look out world, my creative spirit is in charge of my wardrobe again!

A Wink from the Sun - Being Present

It’s a grey and rainy day and I’m looking at the dashboard clock.  Traffic is heavier than usual and I’m driving in haste, replaying the busy of the day and cringing a bit as I race along.

Suddenly, I realize that the sun is setting a bit later as a shimmering strip of bright pink spills out over the dark gray cloud.  The surprising streak lights its way through a tiny corner of the sky, winking hello and intimating sunshine’s return.  I could have so easily missed that flirty, subtle slip of pink with its promise of hope, color, and warmth to come.  What if I had been focused on the cars in front of me and the gloomy pall cast over buildings for my whole drive?

It makes me wonder what else I’ve missed.  How many times have there been tiny, bright streaks of sunshine while I’m watching the road and whining about the busy?  How many beautiful but brief moments of gratitude have passed me by?

That little moment filled my heart with joyful expectation that the warming season is coming, that life and days won’t always be so gray. 

Just as we breathe through the tougher seasons of life, just as we dream of summer’s warmth on our shoulders, the sun waits.  It’s not gone.  We just can’t see its whole face yet. 

I pray for the freedom of heart to stay focused on the beauty of life, on the richness that hides quietly inside this present moment.

Day One - Break Free from the Cravings!

Your cravings might be talking to you a little bit.  Maybe even more than a little.  This is not a time to make big decisions or to have life-determining meetings.  You might feel a little bit cranky as your addictions try to scream for your attention.  Your body wants its fix(es)!

Right now you are eliminating your usual craving triggers as you break out of your habits of eating and ways of thinking (or not thinking as you stuff your face… guilty here) about food.  We are more powerful than food, surely!  If you feel a caffeine headache, just think about how strong you are to give up a substance that has such a powerful hold over you.  After a few days, you will conquer it.  Give yourself a little hug for being awesome.

To be honest, I thought something was wrong with me when I first gave up caffeine.  Kathy said it would probably be a few days of headaches, but I had a full two weeks of excruciating headaches and feeling like I could fall asleep at any time.  I was wading through molasses just to get through the day.  Forget intelligent conversation.  Forget exercise.  I was wondering why I was doing it.  But then… I started sleeping beautifully, deeply.  The heightened sense of anxiety and irritability left me.  I could have a kind conversation with my husband before drinking my coffee.   I could even think creatively without coffee.  What?  It’s true.  Honestly, I danced back and forth with my temptress, coffee, for about nine months and now haven’t touched it for …drumroll please… two months.  See, I told you it’s a process.

The cravings and withdrawal will go away, I promise.  Just wait until week 3!  You’ll be feeling SO GOOD.
Now for the fun part- a delicious recipe that you can leave in the slow cooker and come home to a delicious, gluten-free, vegan meal!  No animals were harmed in the making of this meal.  Alcohol free, too!  Mmmm.

"No Hurry Vegetable Curry"

1 Tablespoon peanut oil
2 large carrots, sliced on a diagonal
1 medium yellow onion, chopped
3 garlic cloves, minced
2 Tablespoons curry powder
1 teaspoon ground coriander
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
2 large Yukon gold potatoes, peeled and sliced  (I will be using about 10 small red potatoes)
8 ounces green beans, ends trimmed
One can Chickpeas (Garbanzo beans) - 15 oz, drained and rinsed (or dry soaked overnight)
One can diced tomatoes, 14.5 oz.
2 cups vegetable stock
1/2 cup frozen green peas, thawed (or fresh snow peas)
1/2 cup canned unsweetened coconut milk
salt

1. Heat the oil in a large skillet over medium heat.  Add the carrots and onion, cover, and cook until softened, about 5 min.  Add garlic, curry powder, coriander, and cayenne, stirring to coat.

2. Transfer the vegetable mixture to a slow cooker.  Add the potatoes, green beans, chickpeas, tomatoes, and stock cover, and cook on Low for 6 to 8 hours.
(If not using a slow cooker - perhaps boil or bake the potatoes prior and add in the last 5 minutes of sauteeing.  I would recommend cooking everything in a pan for about 1/2 hour so that the tomatoes can get less sour.  Since there is not the benefit of the tomatoes mellowing for hours, you may want to add a bit of agave nectar or approved sweetener that is NOT sugar or artificial flavoring.)

3.  Just before serving, stir in the peas and coconut milk and season with salt.  Taste to adjust the seasonings.

Borrowed from: Fresh From the Vegetarian Slow Cooker

Happiness Machine

"Should a Happiness Machine, he wondered, be something you can carry in your pocket?

Or, he went on, should it be something that carries you in its pocket?"
                         -Dandelion Wine, Ray Bradbury

Amid this lovely, whimsical writing, is a story where the character succeeds in making a happiness machine.  But the machine makes everyone sad because it shows pictures of places that everyone should go, things that everyone should like, expensive things like Paris and those that make you crave more things - but the characters had not actually experienced them and in learning that they wanted, they cried.

He spent so much time and energy creating this machine that he had collapsed in exhaustion when finished.  He was chagrined to realize that his invention had failed.

But when he looks inside the front window of his house, he sees his wife cooking, his children reading and playing games... looking at his family, he realizes that it's his life that is the true "Happiness Machine;" it's his beloved family.  He'd had no need to put his energy into inventing the happiness.  It was there all along.

Happiness is found in the moments of life.  It is not around the corner - once we buy this or finish that.  It is here.  It is now.

The Happiness Machine is life, carrying us in its pocket.  It is the memories and experiences we collect, the people we choose to surround ourselves with, sunshine on shoulders, a favorite song, a cup of tea or a caramel mocha, a hot shower, a walk in the park, holding a baby, catching up with a friend, receiving a hug from a child, taking a moment to relax, a roof over your head.  Sip and enjoy.

Grateful

I am grateful to be on this new path of peace and healing.

According to The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, when you are on the frequency of following your true path – doing what you are meant to do - the way should be easy, effortless.  Opportunities appear that are pleasant because they are meant for you.

One opportunity that opened up is babysitting once or twice a week for a really nice family.  The three -year -old girl and six -year-old boy are bright, sweet, and adorable.  Last week, they were down for their naps and I sat on the back porch – sun on my shoulders, looking out at the lake and thinking, “This is my new job.  This is my new life.”  They pay me the same that I was making at my corporate job.  I could have been sitting in an office, forcing myself through my day.  Instead, I was playing with children and sitting in sunshine.

My largest expenditure that I felt unable to sacrifice was yoga.  Miraculously, help was needed at the studio, so I am now trading my time helping at the front desk for free yoga.  And I love working there because it’s something I believe in, a place that I truly care about and love to nurture.

Same with being at home.  As an introvert, I love the opportunity to spend the day by myself, thinking, writing, nurturing my home and my family.  I can honestly say that I’ve found so much joy in being home – in caring for my household, having time to do thoughtful things for my husband, cooking lovely, healthy meals, and helping with the family business - our rental properties.

All of these beautiful opportunities presented themselves because I was open, because I was searching for a way to truly be me.  And most importantly, because I believed that I would be guided with all of my heart.  It is the life that I visualized for many years.  And it was up to me to take the first step – all this time.

Prana, Freedom, and Dandelion Wine

Between healthy eating, exercise, and solar yoga, which focuses on the power of the sun, energy is coursing through me.  In yoga, it’s called prana (meaning “vital life” in Sanskrit.)  It is the healing energy and life-sustaining force that flows through your breath.  In a yoga class yesterday, I swear to you, I felt electricity in my fingertips and flowing out of the top of my head.  It feels like freedom, light, and power.

I just began reading Ray Bradbury’s Dandelion Wine as a hello to summer and a tribute to one of my favorite authors, who just passed away last week.

(Maybe not so) coincidentally, the passage I was reading yesterday ties perfectly:

     “I’m alive, he thought…

The grass whispered under his body.  He put his arm down, feeling the sheath of fuzz on it, and, far away, below, his toes creaking in his shoes.  The world slipped bright over the glassy round of his eyeballs like images sparked in a crystal sphere.  Flowers were sun and fiery spots of sky strewn through the woodland…  His breath raked over his teeth, going in ice, coming out fire… Ten thousand individual hairs grew a millionth of an inch on his head…The million pores on his body opened.

I’m really alive!  he thought.  I never knew it before, or if I did I don’t remember!”

There is vibrant energy and power inside each of us and if we are busily rushing through life and focusing on material things and worries, we could miss it entirely, except perhaps in the glimpses of greatness of a revelatory moment.  Slow down!  Don’t miss this!

I ask you, as Bradbury’s main character asks, “does everyone in the world…know [s]he’s alive?”

Simplicity and Love

But what I realized in Croatia is that you can be so much happier with so much less.  The people I met there were the kindest and happiest.  They all had a garden and an orchard, maybe some chickens.  When we visited, the whole family would get up as we left and walk us to our car.  They did everything for each other.  Without hesitation, our Aunt let us borrow her car for a week to drive hundreds of miles around the country.  They had little, but gave everything.  In Croatia, I learned about community.  I learned how to give.

I got home and thought, “Why do I need all this STUFF?”  The more we buy, the more we “need,” the more we have, the more we want.  What if we could stop the cycle and just be happy?  What if we could just give of ourselves instead of spending, spending, giving our hard earned dollars to corporations who don’t care about us, who don’t even care if their products are hurting us (cosmetics, food, everything!)