A Mummy's Guide to Freedom

 

"And the day came when the risk
to remain tight in a bud
was more painful than the risk
it took to blossom."
-Anais Nin

 

I feel these protective layers smothering me. At first they were light, floating, gossamer sheaths of chiffon that I gently cloaked around myself, dancing, winking playfully at life. Then came the thicker materials: burlap, leather, drywall, the hair shirt, the ironclad ball and chain around the ankle.

It's natural- scary things happen to us in life. We fall down unexpectedly, we fight, we fail, we are betrayed, abandoned, overwhelmed by loss. The subconscious starts enfolding us in these lovely protective layers when we need them. But what happens when we don't let them go once the need has passed?

As the armor grows heavier, the movement of the body slows. The mind reaches for external comfort, creating its own layer of protective fog and busyness. The spirit grows heavy, sad.

Even our earth is now frozen over, protecting her seedlings, her bounty. My toes long to dig warmly into the strength of her soil.

I hear the urgent whisper, "Let go, let go, let go..."

There is no telling how many times we need to go through this process. Once we've sorted through and let go of all the "stuff," life is still happening, constantly changing no matter how tightly we are gripping. We must always re-evaluate: what am I clinging to? What layers are holding me back?

Practical steps I am taking right now to peel back the layers:

- It all started with the cleanse. First, I freed the digestive flow inside and have paid closer attention to how to feed my body instead of smothering it. Giving up animal products has helped me align my actions with the spirit of my heart. By giving up the dairy products that I'd been eating with a severe allergy, I'm physically removing layers from my sinuses that were literally blocking my primal, root chakra sense of smell. What an obvious layer between me and the experiences of the world. Goodbye!

-I am beginning to move more with physical exercise to peel back what I've jokingly referred to as my "layer of pizza." For extra incentive, I've signed up for a weight loss competition and have enrolled in personal training sessions with my friend and talented trainer, Samantha Jackson at the awesome YDM gym.

-To gain better clarity, I am turning inward. For Lent, I've "given up" the chatter of my Facebook newsfeed so that instead of focusing on the lives of others, I can ask myself how to truly make my own life shine to the best of my ability.

 "When we seek answers outside ourselves, we go deeper into the wilderness, further from home." - Meditations from the Mat

 -I'm reading The 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse by Debbie Ford. I've tried this before and wasn't ready. I hope that I am now! Cheers to Day 1.

-I've been leading a Chakra series and as I teach others how to release old habits to find power and balance emotionally, amazing things have been happening as I go through the process again myself, letting go of fears, doubts, and past traumas.

-In an effort to open my heart, I am sharing this experience with you in the hope that it can help.

What You Can Do:

-Make some time for yourself to sit quietly and journal and/or meditate as you explore your desires, dreams, and life. Journal on what your fears are and how you can overcome them. Hint: Step one is affirming that you choose to let it go. Journal on your life's dreams and what holds you back. Without the pressure of forcing yourself to give these things up immediately, simply allow yourself to imagine what your life could look like if you did let go of the negative and you could thrive as your ideal self, realizing your wildest goals.

-Determine the proper balance and identify your own layers. Notice if it's a heavy layer of inertia (more time on the couch, a couple of extra pounds) or if it's a layer of frantic busy-ness and constant motion. If the thought of sitting quietly for an hour or taking a gentle, lay on the floor yoga class makes you angry, that's a good indicator that you need to slow down. If you feel like you are in a layer of SAD, winter molasses, get moving regularly and create a routine for yourself. If you're patting yourself on the back for your rigid routine that never budges, create a little freedom by trying something new- get a massage, dance in your living room instead of going to the gym one evening a week, take a bath.

-Find a healing practice for yourself with a practitioner you trust to help shed the emotional and spiritual barriers with guidance. This could be Body Wisdom, Reiki, Counseling, working with the Angels, yoga, working through the chakras, Emotional Release with essential oils,  even getting a massage. To take the best care of others, you must first take care of yourself. Ideal healing arts sessions help you to better know yourself and grow.

-Consider a cleanse to take some of the energy off your digestion so you can focus inward. This is a great way to notice and honor your body and its needs. You can begin with Day 1 of the cleanse on this blog or find one that works for you. Whole 30 is another great cleanse I've heard about. I'm beginning the Master Cleanse (cayenne lemonade) on March 7th and the instructions will be available here, too.

-Take a break from the media. Limit your TV time- perhaps even take a day or two off per week. Either give up Facebook/Twitter/Instagram, etc. completely for 21-40 days or give yourself a time limit each day that you strictly adhere to. Limit time spent on emails and YouTube as well. If this thought makes you feel completely frantic, it is very, very necessary. You will be amazed by the perspective when/if you choose to come back.

-Read Light. You can choose self-study through gorgeous spiritual books, like Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh or Anatomy of the Spirit by Carolyn Myss. Choose books that lift your spirit and open your mind, especially those that instruct on letting go and being present. Message me if you want more- this is one of my favorite pastimes!

Keep in mind that our layers have layers, born of layers that were layered over layers. This work is like peeling an onion and as you go deeper, you learn things you never could have imagined. When you are ready, the layer starts to peel. Then it's up to you to really dig in there. And it's WORTH IT!

Day 8- Caffeine Conquered and an Honest Update

 
Yesterday was not actually a day of rest for me, but a full day of training others. What a joy! I never could have imagined this while sitting in my cubicle years ago. I get to teach people to do things that I love, sharing healing modalities that changed my life so that others can also find healing! But more about that later...

Today, I am actually taking my own advice. Because I worked intensely over the weekend, I'm declaring Monday my Sunday. I'll take things at my own pace today, resting for balance but also focusing on being active in whatever way best serves my body. I've actually started cleaning the house a bit- now that I'm cleaning toxins from my body, I want the air I breathe and the surfaces I look at to also be clean.

This cleanse has been a little bit harder than I remembered. Last time, I was already a vegan, so I wasn't detoxing from the animal products, too. With starting directly after the overindulgence of the holidays, I'm still having headaches, fatigue, aches and pains, and nausea. Most cleanses say that you will feel better within 3-5 days from the detoxing, but this continuing discomfort is illuminating the true damage that I'd done to my body. Instead of feeling guilty or berating past Laura, however, I am just going to focus on continuing forward one meal at a time, making the best choices that I can and knowing that I will feel better very soon.

I'm also surprised by the headaches and brain fog. Since I wasn't drinking coffee, I had created a fake halo for healthy products with caffeine, like green and oolong tea. I was drinking them every day while praising myself for not drinking coffee. Now I see that my body was still being pummeled by my most difficult addiction - falsely pushing myself forward. I'm finding instead, I can dig in to the natural energy and passion that has been here waiting for me by living a life that I love.

I was sincerely panicked to lead an all-day training without my "energy shot." Would I space out and forget what I was saying? Would all of the information fall out of my head? Would I fall asleep and take a nap while people were sitting there looking at me?

Guess what? None of those things happened! It was a wonderful, interactive day and I was fueled by sharing my passion for helping others find healing. I was energized by the excitement of the trainees. And I underestimated the power of adrenaline, which launched me out of bed at 5:56 am before my alarm!

What if I had let those fears take over and had sabotaged my efforts, this whole week of caffeine withdrawal? Instead, I found strength and an unexpected vigor. CAFFEINE CONQUERED! BAM!

In the interest of resting, there is no recipe today. I was only planning to write a paragraph on why I'm resting today, then here I go pouring my heart out again. But today's plan is to do what flows without a deadline- this post flowed.

Have a great day and I hope it's a fabulous start to week two for you!


Pictured above: Breakfast today was juice of apples, carrots, cilantro, ginger, daikon radish, and celery to enjoy with the gluten-free, sugar-free scone made by my very supportive husband!

Still on that Quest

Yes, it’s been quite awhile. I’ve missed you and I hope that you’ve missed me. To be completely honest, my whole world was thrown off balance and I started asking myself, "Who am I to write about balance, wellness, health?" My typical effort to find balance means hurling myself face first into one thing or another with all of my passion and rather focused obsession.

The look of obvious balance and wellness as I gorge happily on "sladoled," Croatia's super-rich take on ice cream, to which I am horrendously, painfully, unequivocally allergic.

I've never been one of those people that you would use the word "moderate" about; it probably couldn't even enter your head if I was in the room. I was always that friend coaxing you to get the fully sugared caffeine drink, eat the chocolate, pretend the doughnut has no calories. Blow off the obligation and roll down a hill drunk with me instead. For my friends who understand the meaning of the word moderation, this is great for them- I help them find balance by indulging sometimes. But for me, it was life as usual. When reading, I'd always cheer along with the teenage character to follow their heart, always, and then I'd be shocked when everyone died in the end from the choices that had no regard for others. So here it is again. Balance.

Often, when we genuinely seek health, it’s like peeling back the layers of an onion. As one thing heals, another cries out for attention. So in my search for balance, first I found a whole lot of imbalance. A journey of healing is a very personal one. I was hiding in my chrysalis, hibernating, experiencing extreme metamorphosis and hanging on for dear life.

But you know what I forgot? I did not title the blog, "Advice from a Health Nut and Overall Perfect Person." No, it's called, "Shaking Free- a Quest for Balance." And I am still searching. I hope you're up for rejoining me on the very imperfect journey.

An Illusion of Separateness

In the doctor’s office waiting room, I was overcome with the strangeness of our efforts to pretend we are alone in the world.  Everyone in the waiting room was sitting with at least one chair between them and a stranger.  Every single person avoided eye contact with everyone else.  I even tried an experiment where I looked around and tried to catch someone’s eye.  It seemed to make people even more uncomfortable, pulling closer into their personal bubbles.  Obviously, we are all people.  We are all sharing space here.  Why the very conscious efforts to look down, to pretend to read a magazine, to remain separate?  What are we afraid of?  (OK, it is the doctor’s office… maybe we’re afraid of communicable diseases…)

So, what about when you’re stopped at a red light, consciously looking straight ahead, anywhere but at the car next to you (especially if you’ve just behaved badly on the road, thinking of racing the other little box beside you and not thinking of the person behind the wheel)?  What about those who text the whole time they are out to dinner?  How emails, chats, and smart phones are quickly replacing face-to-face exchanges?

I’ve begun to notice that everywhere I go, people seem to be trying with all of their might to pretend that they are the only ones there.  At restaurants, movie theaters, in lines.  I’ve always been so busy doing the same that it never occurred to me how STRANGE it is to pretend other human beings aren’t there.

Are we not all sharing in this journey?

What is happening to our society?  Would we rather wrap ourselves in little bubbles and not interact – ever?

I don’t know where the balance is, however.  Obviously, we can’t go have conversations with everyone in an entire restaurant.  There is a point where you just want to talk to the person you came with.  Sometimes, the waitress wants to get your tip and go, not chat.  And we're all so used to this as the expected norm. 

I’ve tried looking into the other car and either the other person isn’t looking or it seems pretty creepy for both.   Why do I feel weird looking for a human behind the wheel?  We're not "supposed to" do that...

I’m not proposing we turn the entire world into a kumbaya commune.  But I am asking, has anyone else noticed that we might be going in a weird direction? 

*Note:  Image borrowed from: blog.lib.umn.edu

The Power of a Purple Skirt

Suddenly, I noticed the slew of questions I’ve always asked before getting dressed each day: “What will others be wearing?” “What is appropriate for this event/this place?” “What will I be expected to wear?”  This lulled me into wearing the standby black pants haunting me from my corporate attire nearly everywhere.  I would throw on the same rotating outfits for the past – wow – probably 5 years.  I actually thought that I was thinking about what I wanted to wear.

Yesterday was a wardrobe revolution filled with new questions: I asked my body how it wanted to be draped, inquired what would make my spirit soar.  Putting on my beautiful, flowing purple skirt with a t-shirt, I set out for work and for the day. 

My purple skirt twirled me through the day and wrapped me in joy.  Living in each moment, I breathed in spring blossom trees everywhere, plopped down in the grass on a blanket with a book, felt the soft skirt against my legs while it danced in the breeze.

I’d never before noticed this internal dialogue and the way it was limiting me.  From now on, I am asking ME what to wear.  I will consider more than color, more than black cotton pants or jeans? The last time I dressed authentically on a regular basis was in 5th grade, resulting in lots of fluorescent colors and mismatching, ruffles and skirts with tennis shoes.  Look out world, my creative spirit is in charge of my wardrobe again!

A Wink from the Sun - Being Present

It’s a grey and rainy day and I’m looking at the dashboard clock.  Traffic is heavier than usual and I’m driving in haste, replaying the busy of the day and cringing a bit as I race along.

Suddenly, I realize that the sun is setting a bit later as a shimmering strip of bright pink spills out over the dark gray cloud.  The surprising streak lights its way through a tiny corner of the sky, winking hello and intimating sunshine’s return.  I could have so easily missed that flirty, subtle slip of pink with its promise of hope, color, and warmth to come.  What if I had been focused on the cars in front of me and the gloomy pall cast over buildings for my whole drive?

It makes me wonder what else I’ve missed.  How many times have there been tiny, bright streaks of sunshine while I’m watching the road and whining about the busy?  How many beautiful but brief moments of gratitude have passed me by?

That little moment filled my heart with joyful expectation that the warming season is coming, that life and days won’t always be so gray. 

Just as we breathe through the tougher seasons of life, just as we dream of summer’s warmth on our shoulders, the sun waits.  It’s not gone.  We just can’t see its whole face yet. 

I pray for the freedom of heart to stay focused on the beauty of life, on the richness that hides quietly inside this present moment.

Day 9 – A Surprising Obstacle

Hopefully, your initial cravings have passed, along with any withdrawal symptoms.  Now is a good time to pause and give yourself a big hug (it’s possible and it feels really nice!  Try it for real!)  You should be so proud – I am.  It’s been over a week that we have eliminated alcohol, animal products, caffeine, gluten, and sugar- staples that “can’t be lived without” for many.  This is hard core.  And we are rockin’!

My husband, Vida, and I went on a short retreat to The Lodge at Geneva-on-the-Lake – WINE COUNTRY!  Luckily, Vida decided to give up drinking with me in support of the cleanse.  That helped.  I think we were the only sober adults in the whole place!  At the pool, we saw people carrying beer and frozen drinks from the refreshment stand.  Instead we sipped on water, then went for a six- mile bike ride.  At dinner, we watched people, sipping elegantly on their wine at the beginning of the evening (while I felt a bit envious), then stumbling and slurring by the end (when I felt a little better.)   The next day, we remarked to each other how that was the first time we had been there and not drinking.  At the risk of sounding like an after school special, I’m going to venture to say it was better.  I was able to be present and enjoy every single moment: the sun on my skin at the pool, every color in the gorgeous sunset, the lake view and breeze as we biked, every bite of the delicious food.  

Alcohol was not the only temptation.  There was an omelet station for breakfast (my favorite!) and the cheese in Vida’s omelet started looking lasciviously at me and purring my name.  I told the omelet, “Back off!  I feel amazing and nothing is worth giving that up.”

Luckily, there were even a couple of vegan options on the menu – a marinated tofu stir-fry and a black bean burger (which I ordered without the bun, but indulged in the guacamole!)

As we were watching the sunset and I was sipping on my sparkling water with lemon, Vida ordered an ice cream sundae.  I was feeling very smug that I would be just fine, when the waitress, who had astutely noticed me ordering vegan items, mentioned that there was fresh raspberry sorbet.  No dairy.  But sugar!  I thought, “no,” but somehow my lips said yes and it appeared before me moments later.  Well… it was delicious.  I ate only half of the one little scoop and savored every bite.  What was really interesting was the sugar buzz that happened to me after!  I was slap-happy and giggling non-stop for about an hour, then suddenly, as the fun was just starting, the sugar crashed and I was sleeping.  I even had a bit of a headache the next morning.  I never realized that sugar had such an effect, so it was an amusing experiment.

I had a fortified wall up against the things that I know tempt me the most (coffee, cheese, eggs, wine, bread, pasta) but I fell in a moment to sugar, when I’ve always been one who can pass on desserts without too much trouble.  Surprise!

I’m going to take my own advice and not beat myself up about it, but instead be proud of all the other temptations that I was able to vanquish.  And now today is a new day.  I’ve also decided that I’m in it for the long haul and this is how I would like to eat for the rest of my life.  I already feel better than ever and it’s exciting.

I struggled with sharing this slip up, in fear that you will now throw in the towel, declare me a fraud, and stick your face in a chocolate cake with a side of beef.  I can hear your now happier body shouting, “Please don’t!”  Hopefully you will be even stronger than me.  But if not, get back to it on the next meal and take note of how your body reacted.  I’ve been giving this advice and meaning it, but never thought I would have to listen to it!

Meditation:
“Throughout the day, I will say to myself with eyes closed, I examine myself.  I will always be challenged by various situations-relationship conflicts, stress at work, drama with my kids- and thus experience feelings that are uncomfortable.  All of this provides the friction necessary for my personal growth.  If everything went along swimmingly all the time, I would never have the opportunity to stretch myself, or work at pushing through the obstacles that keep me stagnant.  In order to keep moving forward, I can step back from the feelings and examine them, noting how familiar or repetitive they are… As I now see it, the purpose of my life is to grow and awaken to the powerful potential that is within.  My most sacred mission is to focus on moving through the places that hold me back.”

I added green onions.  Mine was a little too brothy, so I reduced the liquid in the recipe below.

Comfort Food - Sweet Potato, Lentil, and Chickpea Curry
Since this is cooked in the slow cooker, the ingredients get gooey, but retain the nutrients.  Delicious!
If you don’t have a slow cooker, make it like a stew and simmer for at least an hour or two.

1 cup dried, split chickpeas
1 cup red or brown lentils
3 cups water (or more depending on what package says for chickpeas and lentils)
2 teaspoons pure chile powder
1 teaspoon turmeric
1 sweet potato, peeled and diced
1 can diced tomatoes
½ cup coconut milk
Salt to taste
¼ cup cilantro (optional)
1 jalapeno chile, seeded and diced small (optional)

1. Put chickpeas, lentils, water, turmeric, chile powder, sweet potato, and diced tomatoes in slow cooker.  Cover and cook on low for 6 to 8 hours, or until chickpeas and lentils are tender.

2. Remove the cover and gently stir in coconut milk.  Add salt to taste and also sample to see if you should add more turmeric & chili powder.  Cook for another ½ hour to an hour.

3. Serve and top each serving with one tablespoon of cilantro and a bit of chopped jalapeno.

Slow Food

There is a movement called Slow Food, a grassroots Italian movement claiming that “a firm defense of quiet material pleasure is the only way to oppose the universal folly of Fast Life.”  They also link the pleasure of good food with a commitment to community and the environment.

Michael Pollan writes:

“You have to wonder whether it’s realistic to think the American way of eating can be reformed without also reforming the whole American way of life.  Fast food is precisely the way you’d expect a people to eat who put success at the center of life, who work long hours (with two careers per household), get only a couple of weeks vacation each year, and who can’t depend on a social safety net to cushion them from life’s blows. 

But Slow Food’s wager is that making time and slowing down to eat, an activity that happens three times a day and ramifies all through a culture, is precisely the wedge that can begin to crack the whole edifice.”

Truly, one of the things that excited me the most about leaving my corporate routine was that I would be able to make my own breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and to truly be able to put the time and love into my cooking that my family and my body deserve.

Perhaps some of the balance lies in slowing down and making time to cook and eat. 

Off to wash, cook, and eat (slowly) the lovely, new veggies!

Happiness Machine

"Should a Happiness Machine, he wondered, be something you can carry in your pocket?

Or, he went on, should it be something that carries you in its pocket?"
                         -Dandelion Wine, Ray Bradbury

Amid this lovely, whimsical writing, is a story where the character succeeds in making a happiness machine.  But the machine makes everyone sad because it shows pictures of places that everyone should go, things that everyone should like, expensive things like Paris and those that make you crave more things - but the characters had not actually experienced them and in learning that they wanted, they cried.

He spent so much time and energy creating this machine that he had collapsed in exhaustion when finished.  He was chagrined to realize that his invention had failed.

But when he looks inside the front window of his house, he sees his wife cooking, his children reading and playing games... looking at his family, he realizes that it's his life that is the true "Happiness Machine;" it's his beloved family.  He'd had no need to put his energy into inventing the happiness.  It was there all along.

Happiness is found in the moments of life.  It is not around the corner - once we buy this or finish that.  It is here.  It is now.

The Happiness Machine is life, carrying us in its pocket.  It is the memories and experiences we collect, the people we choose to surround ourselves with, sunshine on shoulders, a favorite song, a cup of tea or a caramel mocha, a hot shower, a walk in the park, holding a baby, catching up with a friend, receiving a hug from a child, taking a moment to relax, a roof over your head.  Sip and enjoy.

Sometimes being Kind is as important as being Present

Because I was trying so hard to focus on being present while my Type A family members were trying to rush from point A to point B while discussing point C, I found myself growing utterly impatient.  I wanted my companions to EXPERIENCE New York City since it was their first time there.  I wanted to “stop and smell the…” ok, in NYC maybe I didn’t want to use the sense of smell as much.

But definitely to linger, to soak it in.  I found myself getting rushed along and growing bitter.

However, I now realize that just because being present was important to me, it was still something that I was struggling with just a month ago.  How could I expect my travel companions to be open to it or even consciously trying to employ it when it was still so new to me and not at all a focus for them? 

What’s ironic and a little bit awful is that I was so critical of how we were losing our experiences in the present moment, that I spent a great deal of time in my head being angry, also losing my own experience.  What I missed was kindness and compassion.  And now I can never get that time back to experience travel with 3 of my truly favorite people who I love dearly.

I’d like to illustrate an experience to give you an idea of what I was facing - If only I had been able to giggle then instead of turn grumpy (another excuse: it was 95 degrees and humid…)

Ahead of time, my mom emailed: “I was told by the hotel that we must be sure we travel only in the YELLOW NYC TAXI CABS.  Not the black gypsy cabs.”  I acknowledged the email, saying, “yes, this is good advice.”

As we were exiting the airport, there was a sign: Ground Transportation.  As we were walking in that direction, my mom said to my aunt, “We must make sure it’s a yellow taxi cab.”  My aunt said to me, “make sure it’s a yellow taxi cab.”  While looking at the sign, my mom asked, “But does Ground Transportation mean they will have the YELLOW taxi cabs?” 

My aunt promptly found someone working at the airport to ask if “Ground Transportation was the way towards the YELLOW taxi cabs.”  We were told yes, go outside the door and you will find many yellow taxi cabs waiting.  As we walked outside, they were still reiterating to each other that we must find a yellow taxi cab.

The line was very long and I saw a sign for another taxi stand around the way.  I decided to go ahead and check it out.  There were yellow cabs lined up all around the corner and very few people waiting, so I ran back and told my mom and aunt to follow me.  The questions:

“Did you find taxi cabs?”  “Are you quite sure they are YELLOW taxi cabs?” 

Exasperated, I walked forward, wordlessly leading the way.  As they looked at the yellow cabs lined up around the block, my mom asked, “But are they New York City yellow taxi cabs?”  I pointed out that they said “New York City” on the side and that they were indeed very yellow.

As I looked around the city, my mom and aunt discussed among themselves how they had to be sure that all of our taxi cabs were yellow…

Looking back now with love, I can see that they were just nervous to be in a new city and they wanted to try to control the few things that they saw themselves able to control for their comfort level. 

The Experience is just as much about not judging everything that happens as it is about stopping to notice and appreciate the moments.

The Trouble with Expectations

I disappeared for a few days – this weekend held the excitement of both my four year wedding anniversary and my birthday!  It was very nice, but I learned a valuable lesson: The danger in expectations.

My husband and I were full of joy, living our simple but happy life where I cook at home and we spend nice time together.  Of course, since it was our anniversary on Thursday, we decided to go out for a “fancy dinner.”  First, we debated – why spend the money when I can cook something fresh, healthy and delicious?  Why go out just because that’s what we’re supposed to do on an anniversary?  In the end, we caved to the enticing dinner out idea, expecting it to be much more amazing than what I could have provided at home. 

We went to a local Italian restaurant that had opened recently in Mentor, one we had been excited to check out.  We sat on the patio and the evening was perfect.  The dinner, however, was a disaster!  I ordered shrimp and aglio olio.  The pasta was in a brown, meat based sauce which was seasoned only with heavy salt and garlic.  Where were the fresh herbs?  Why were they putting heavy meat stock in what should be a light oil sauce?  Why was my shrimp chewy?  When I said “no cheese,” it seemed they went back and scraped it off the same dish.  Expecting a true Italian meal, I was sorely disappointed.  And robbed!  This experience cost about $86!

We chose to take a secret shopping opportunity the next night to get “free drinks and an appetizer” for an anniversary continuation.  I got dressed up like we were going to a wedding.  We had to take such detailed notes that we didn’t even really get to talk or enjoy each other’s company.  And all of the appetizers were meat based, so I munched on snack crackers served at the bar.  Once again, disappointed by the experience of a fancy night out!  Plus, it took me 1.5 hours to write the report afterwards.  Ugh!

Finally, I was busily making plans for my birthday.  My mom gave me birthday money for a bike (Thanks, Mom!) and I made all these elaborate plans that we were going to go biking through the park, pack a picnic, lay in the sun and relax.  I got so caught up in planning Sunday on Saturday that I wasted Saturday afternoon planning, then on Sunday it stormed and I was frantically trying to still squeeze in a bike ride in the couple hours before the rain came back.  Before I knew it, the day was over.  The weekend, as a matter of fact.

Have I learned nothing?  If I had just kept on living the way I’ve been living – simply enjoying life, cooking, noticing the moments – it would have been an amazing, relaxing weekend.  Instead I stressed myself out and ended up really low on energy from eating out!

The story does have a happy ending, though.  I finally gave up trying to make plans and instead we made the beautiful Italian dinner together that I had been craving.  We lit a candle, sat facing each other, and enjoyed fresh, homemade ingredients prepared just how I like it.  If only I had started there all weekend!!! 

My birthday dinner!  Gnocci with fresh basil in a tomato pepper sauce with fried greens and broccoli.  Appetizer recipe coming soon!  (Bruschetta with delicious salad)

Prana, Freedom, and Dandelion Wine

Between healthy eating, exercise, and solar yoga, which focuses on the power of the sun, energy is coursing through me.  In yoga, it’s called prana (meaning “vital life” in Sanskrit.)  It is the healing energy and life-sustaining force that flows through your breath.  In a yoga class yesterday, I swear to you, I felt electricity in my fingertips and flowing out of the top of my head.  It feels like freedom, light, and power.

I just began reading Ray Bradbury’s Dandelion Wine as a hello to summer and a tribute to one of my favorite authors, who just passed away last week.

(Maybe not so) coincidentally, the passage I was reading yesterday ties perfectly:

     “I’m alive, he thought…

The grass whispered under his body.  He put his arm down, feeling the sheath of fuzz on it, and, far away, below, his toes creaking in his shoes.  The world slipped bright over the glassy round of his eyeballs like images sparked in a crystal sphere.  Flowers were sun and fiery spots of sky strewn through the woodland…  His breath raked over his teeth, going in ice, coming out fire… Ten thousand individual hairs grew a millionth of an inch on his head…The million pores on his body opened.

I’m really alive!  he thought.  I never knew it before, or if I did I don’t remember!”

There is vibrant energy and power inside each of us and if we are busily rushing through life and focusing on material things and worries, we could miss it entirely, except perhaps in the glimpses of greatness of a revelatory moment.  Slow down!  Don’t miss this!

I ask you, as Bradbury’s main character asks, “does everyone in the world…know [s]he’s alive?”

The Empty Bowl- a Lesson on Being Present

I took my cereal outside today.  I wanted to be present in nature and to have a new experience fully enjoying my breakfast. 

I sat outside, feeling the breeze on my bare arms and gazing at my garden.  Then I noticed that the tomato plants needed to be tied and saw that some weeding would be a good idea soon… next thing I knew, I was already thinking about what I would say in this blog and wondering how my mom was today.  Look down, cereal gone.  Missed it.

It is so difficult to be fully present.  I think you have to let it hit you and wash over you from time to time – like noticing a cool breeze or a beautiful flower.  I’ve noticed that my mind runs out of control, so I am going to keep working towards being present as best I can.  I think I’ll stop planning to be present, though, as I try to “just be”!