Always a Runner - This Time with ahimsa

“I always start these events with very lofty goals, like I’m going to do something special.  And after a point of body deterioration, the goals get evaluated down to basically where I am now- where the best I can hope for is to avoid throwing up on my shoes.” 

 -Ultrarunner Ephraim Romesberg, quoted in Born to Run by Christopher McDougall

It’s one of those absolutely perfect days – 76 degrees with a lovely breeze, sun shining brightly without a cloud to be seen, so I decide to go for a little stroll.

The urge to jog a bit moves me as Florence and the Machine urge me to “run fast for my mother, run fast for my father.”  After about a mile, my body tells me take a chill, go back to walking, so I do for a short while.  But then, Enrique Iglesias starts singing how he “likes it” and oh, I like it too.  So I ran about another half mile, immediately stopping right before feeling pain – for the first time in this run.

I’ve always swung like a pendulum – either I’m running like crazy and just making it hurt and running again and again until it doesn’t or I’m telling myself I shouldn’t hurt myself and not running at all, not doing much besides gentle yoga and claiming I’m being kind to myself.

The yogic law of ahimsa (“Nonviolence”) means “do no harm” to yourself or to others.  In a recent yoga class, the teacher mentioned that ahimsa not only means not pushing yourself to pain, but it also means knowing how far you can push.  You are actually hurting yourself if you’re holding back from what you can become, from reaching your fullest potential.

I wanted to tell you all about how that was the first time I worked ahimsa into a balanced run… until I still hurt myself.  It was my hip and after a day of massaging it, everything was fine. 

And now I’m going to try again tomorrow, believing, “With each step I touch the earth lightly to do her no harm, and she in turn does me no harm.” (From The Yamas and Niyamas)

Breaking the Rules of Fear

I didn't really notice this until now, but I have always had a lot of rules about under what conditions I will do things. For instance, to run outside it must be 60-75 degrees and sunny. To practice yoga, I need at least to be able to put my arms out without touching someone else. Otherwise, I'd try to sneak out the door when no one was looking or I would decide not to enjoy the practice (I know! It's so un-yogic.)

Lately, the universe has been breaking my rules.

What could be cooler than a yoga class with black lights, glow sticks, Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon, and The Wizard of Oz? My husband, Vida, even agreed to come along. According to his rules, these unconventional classes are the only way I can get him to yoga. We were discussing on the way what we expected from the class. Of course, there would be lots of slow and gentle movement so that we could watch the movie and enjoy the fun. I was just hoping it would not be too gentle as it counted for my workout for the day.

When we walked into the room, I had to reign in my panic as at least 40 yogis were packed wall to wall with their mats touching. The MATS WERE TOUCHING. Not only could I not spread my arms, I would actually have to share breathing space. If Vida weren't there, I probably would have run. You know, a gentle, sneaky, graceful yogi sprint.

As I looked around at all the rippling muscles and flat abs, realizing that I was probably the heaviest person in the class, I also noticed that the room was unusually warm. On purpose. Hot air was gushing from the vents. I said "uh oh" and explained to Vida that this just might be "hot yoga," meaning it would likely be a little more of a workout than we anticipated. I planted myself on my mat, trying to burrow underground in my mind, and just kept breathing, deciding to ride this out, mentally chaining myself so my body wouldn't betray me and start running.

"Hey yogis, please skooch a little closer, we need to fit five more people in,"cooed the lithe, supermodel yoga teacher.

I wanted to scream, "MY RULES ARE BEING BROKEN! THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE!" as I improved my mile time on the journey out. Instead I mentally crawled under my mat and hung on.

The class was immediately challenging as the pace picked up and the postures grew harder and faster. I was surprised to find that I loved it. Sharing the breathing space with the others, feeling the energy in the room pick up, knowing that all those fit people were sweating and breathing hard just like me. I felt strong, graceful. Just when I thought it was winding down and my muscles were shaking, it just kept going and going. FOR TWO HOURS. Later, the teacher commented, "Oh, that was the extended version of the movie, I didn't know that." Another surprise for all of us from the universe. There were even times where we had to "put your hand on your neighbors back for balance" and even hold hands - an absolute breaking of my yoga personal space rule. But it was great.

Finally, completely spent in savasana on the mat, I smiled and sent prayers of gratitude, glowing with amaizngness when a completely unexpected version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow played, sung by my favorite artist, Tori Amos. It was perfection. And I lost two pounds overnight.

 

If I had followed my rules, I would have missed out on this completely.

Later the same weekend, Vida and I were registered to run a 5K at the local high school. I had been vigilantly checking the weather, dismayed that it would be only 42 degrees. Way below my threshold and colder than I've ever run in, but I decided it would be okay.

When we woke up, it was 23 degrees instead. "Nope." I said, "there's no way this is happening." I remembered my doctor telling me at age 10 never to go outside without a scarf over my mouth under 40 degrees because it was bad for my sinuses. I imagined the razor-cold air forcing me into immediate pneumonia. What normal human being would do this? No one would fault me for backing out, I didn't HAVE to do this, I hadn't even told many people about it. My world would not be adversely affected except for having to do my planned 3 miles on the boring treadmill.

Vida started playing Rocky music and telling me that "Rocky didn't worry how cold it was while running over mountains in Russia." I looked at him like he'd just asked me to try a bite of a fluffy bunny and said rather eloquently that I "didn't give an F what Rocky would do," I could be warm in my bed. But I couldn't get back under the covers. For one, Vida looked like he was going to the race that was my idea without me. But also, there was something inside me that wasn't actually going to let me out of it. So I got dressed.

When we arrived, everyone seemed to be a high school student or an athlete. I again realized that "normal people" don't run races in frigid temperatures. The fear came that everyone would be faster and I would be running alone and get lost on the course. Again that I would die from breathing icicles. The race director cautioned us all to watch our step for ICE. But I decided to just start running and not stop and not worry about anything else.

Immediately upon starting, breathing ice cold air sucked. It hurt. My nose started dripping uncontrollably (thank God for gloves and long sleeves.) Seemingly everyone did run past me, continuously. My headphones broke and I could hardly hear Eye of the Tiger. But I just kept going. Eventually, I got used to the air and the snot stream. I found my steady pace and even passed a walker or two (who later passed again when they sped up.) Vida had been in a heat behind me and he eventually pulled up beside me, again making me consider that I might be the slowest person who ever ran. Together we put one foot in front of the other, chasing the teenagers and rasping on ice. My legs wanted to stop, but we charged into the stadium, finally making the last lap to finish.

Not my most glamorous finish...

It was my worst time ever, by about 2 1/2 minutes. It was cold. It hurt. But I cried with pride and joy at facing my rule-breakers and winning against my fears. And also, coming back to race after nearly 3 years of not running. It can only get better.

So I've found that there is joy in breaking the rules. There is pride in digging way deeper than my comfort zone and discovering pieces of myself that are way stronger than I ever imagined.
I will no longer let fear make my decisions for me. Bring it on!

Day 15 – Better than Ever and Better than Most

Yesterday, I ran 4 miles for the first time in almost two years.  I did not really ramp up gradually – I ran 3 miles a couple of days ago, slowed down and just went for 4.  And I feel GREAT!  In the past, I would really be hurting (ice, motrin, hours of stretching) after adding an entire mile out of nowhere, but I feel perfectly fine!  I’m wondering if it’s the cleanse diet or the chia seeds or all of the extra vegetables or the yoga?  Maybe it’s everything.  There really is something to this.  I can’t believe my after-run recovery.  I’m testing what I’m preaching and it’s TRUE, brothers and sisters!

Though we have been told that we need to eat meat and drink milk for optimal performance in sports, there are many incredible athletes who prove the contrary.  Scott Jurek & Brendan Brazier are both vegan and Ultramarathon runners – that means they typically run 50 – 160 miles per race, without stopping the clock like in the Tour de France for sleep.  More often than not, these ultramarathons are 100 miles.  To say that’s hard core is like saying it’s warm on the equator.  And they do it with plants and whole grains!  There are also many bodybuilders and Olympic athletes who are vegan or vegetarian.  Their muscles are just fine without animal protein and they are going on not just to compete, but to win.

Being a vegetarian is not a trendy fad.  These were some early and contemporary trend setters: Plato, Ovid, Leonardo da Vinci,  Voltaire, Jean Jacques Rousseau, Henry David Thoreau, Leo Tolstoy, Abraham Lincoln, Sir Isaac Newton, Charles Darwin, Albert Einstein, Mahatma Gandhi, Rosa Parks, John Lennon, Paul McCartney, Bob Dylan, Mary Tyler Moore, Oliver Stone, Alec Baldwin, Deepak Chopra, Prince, Lenny Kravitz, Alanis Morrissette, Ellen DeGeneres, Shania Twain, Reese Witherspoon, Tobey Maguire, Natalie Portman, Nelly, and Anthony Kiedes. 

Olympic medalists include: Lizzie Armistead, Edwin Moses, Bode Miller, Carl Lewis, Ruth Heidrich, Chris Campbell, and many others.  Other athletic superstars include 4 time Mr. Universe winner and bodybuilder Bill Pearl, football player Joe Nameth, basketball star Robert Parish, baseball’s Prince Fielder, and David Scott (who holds the record for most Iron Man World Championship wins).  Now tell one of those guys that being vegetarian “isn’t cool, man.”

I did not share these lists for the sake of saying, “Look at the cool people who are doing it!” Think of how much these people have accomplished in their lives.  Think of the focus, endurance, athleticism, brainpower and/or energy required.  They’ve managed not just fine, but far better than most while eating veggies and granola.

I’m currently reading Scott Jurek’s book (Eat and Run: My Unlikely Journey to UltraMarathon Greatness) and he talks about how he noticed better performance in sports from eating vegetables and whole grains in high school.  He went away to a camp for cross country skiing and they fed him vegetarian fare.  He realized on his own that his sports performance was better than ever, resulting from the new diet. 

I’ve never before run in conjunction with a vegan diet and I'm shocked by the difference I feel personally.  I’ve also started experimenting with more interesting grains, like kasha (included in the recipe below.)  I think the kasha had an effect on my endurance.  This is really exciting!  There’s no going back for me.

To quote my Teta (Aunt) Kata, “Try it- you will like it!”

I’ve just discovered kasha – it is cracked buckwheat.  It has a very nutty, earthy taste and is amazing in this salad.

Dijon Brown Rice & Kasha Salad
½ cup kasha (prepared according to box)
½ cup brown rice (prepared according to box)
1 red bell pepper – diced
1 yellow bell pepper- diced
1 avocado – diced
3 green onions, sliced
1 large tomato, diced
½ cucumber, diced
½ cup walnuts (bite-sized pieces)

Dressing
¼ cup rice vinegar
½ TB Dijon mustard
1 tsp agave nectar
½ tsp salt
½ tsp fresh ground pepper
2 cloves garlic- minced
¼ cup olive oil
(whisk together before pouring over salad)

Cook rice and kasha as directed on the package.  Let cool for at least 1 hour.  Add the rest of the ingredients.  Pour dressing over the salad & mix well.  Serve cold.

This serves about 8-10 people (or will make you tons of leftovers for lunches.)  It’s great to bring to a family gathering and delicious.  Someone always asks for the recipe.  Enjoy!

Note:  You can use any other veggies that you like, but the avocados, peppers, and nuts are very complimentary with the dressing.  Also, I used half olive oil and half pumpkinseed oil, along with fresh grilled corn in my recipe.  It was delicious.

Day 5: Move! And ch-ch-ch-choose Chia

 “Recognize that anything worth having is worth fighting for.  Good health, vitality, more energy, more confidence, better sex, great abs, a tight ass- you either want ‘em or you don’t.  You can continue plodding along in your life feeling like you’re not living up to your glorious potential or you can dedicate yourself to creating the life you want.”   Skinny Bitch

As I’m sure you know, exercise has many benefits.  It is better than an antidepressant, sending pleasure hormones to your brain.  According to Dr. Neal Barnard, “Vigorous exercise not only gives you an opiate effect of its own, but also helps you sleep, boosting your resistance to cravings.”  And of course, I’m sure you’ve heard by now that most every study ever conducted on health proves that regular exercise (30 – 60 min, five times a week) can help reverse and/or prevent nearly all health problems, from diabetes to high blood pressure to depression.

I’ve also noticed that I have much more energy the day after I’ve exercised.  Honestly, I believe regular exercise to be one of the secrets of life.  It makes me feel more efficient, my brain processes better, my body hums as energy moves more freely.  I can get exceedingly more accomplished in a day if I’ve been exercising.  Being sedentary makes life feel more like molasses.  If you have missions and adventures that you would like to accomplish in your limited time on this earth, then get that momentum going and keep it going!

Lately, I’ve been running, bicycling, and attending yoga classes.  I am training for a 10K (6.2 miles) in October and to help me climb back up to athletic endurance, I have been turning to chia seeds.  In Born to Run, Christopher McDougall calls chia seeds “Home-brewed Red Bull!”

He continues, “In terms of nutritional content, a tablespoon of chia is like a smoothie made from salmon, spinach, and human growth hormone.  As tiny as those seeds are, they’re superpacked with omega-3s, omega-6s, protein, calcium, iron, zinc, fiber, and antioxidants.  If you had to pick just one desert-island food, you couldn’t do much better than chia, at least if you were interested in building muscle, lowering cholesterol, and reducing your risk of heart disease; after a few months on the chia diet, you could probably swim home.”

According to Dr. Todd Pesek in Eat Yourself Super, chia has more calcium than cow’s milk.  Also, an excellent Superfood, chia can stabilize blood sugar, contributing to the prevention and reversal of diabetes.

You can eat the seeds raw, sprinkle into soups or whole grain dishes, or add them to baked goods.  The best way for your body to streamline the nutrients, however, is soaked in liquid for at least 10 minutes.  It forms a gel.

As you can see, the gel is not the prettiest or the most pleasant drink, but it makes a HUGE difference if I chug a glass right before a run.  It makes running easier.  Try it.

If you would like to learn more about chia, as well as recipes and how to make chia gel, the following is a great resource:  http://www.rawreform.com/content/view/345/127/.

If you are sore after a tough workout, drink some chia.  It reduces muscle soreness, which I have not read yet, but my sister-in-law, Jessica, swears by it and I've experienced it myself. 

Now for a treat!  This is the perfect after-exercise snack (or a great way to start the day as breakfast.)  The banana in this smoothie will nourish your muscles and replenish your carbohydrates. 

Fun banana fact:  When running long distances (over an hour,) a banana is a perfect snack for refueling – the high water content keeps you hydrated and the carbohydrates keep you going.  It’s very popular with marathon runners.  “Is that a banana in your pocket…?”

Bananas for Peanut Butter “Milk” Shake

1 Frozen banana, in small chunks

¼ cup chia gel

½ cup almond milk (unsweetened vanilla for now – the chocolate almond milk is wonderful in this but contains sugar)

1 ice cube

1-2 Tablespoons of peanut butter (depending on if you plan to snack on nuts later, if so, have just one)

Blend together.  I pulse a few times, then blend for 30 seconds straight, pause and blend another 15 seconds, then check consistency.  If it’s too thick, add a little more almond milk and blend for 15 more seconds.

You can also add cacao powder or protein powder.

*In today's picture, I added a heaping teaspoon of cacao powder and 2 teaspoons of steel-cut oats.  I put the oats in first, then poured the almond milk and chia gel over so that the oats could soak for about 5 minutes, then started adding the other ingredients.  It was delicious!  If I had more time, I would probably use more like 1/4 cup oats and soak in boiling water, then let cool (or make a bunch to keep in the fridge?)  The raw oats surprised me by disappearing though - I barely noticed them.

It tastes like a milkshake and is my favorite smoothie of all!

A Runner's Journey

Blinding pain greeted me yesterday morning.  I lifted my head from the pillow to find a knife in my neck, throbbing waves of agony up and down through my shoulder, dancing down to my low back.  All I did was try to look right.

All day, normal tasks became monumental; I cried while putting dishes in the dishwasher and struggled even to sit up with my head in an upright position.

And then the memories come flooding back:

Looking in the rearview mirror to see the little yellow car moving too fast towards me.  The sound of metal on metal.  Quitting my job as a preschool photographer in Texas because I could no longer lift my 200 pound studio and moving into my mom’s basement in Ohio.  The knife that stayed lodged in my back despite the giant cortisone shots straight into my spine (6 times!), physical therapy, ice, heat, rinse, repeat, acupuncture (oh god, there are needles in my face), stretches, pain pills while I dragged myself through 50 hours a week as a temp with no days off, being told I would never be a runner again, the strawberry kisses and peanut butter cups that became the only ones I confided in, the depression, the isolation, the despair.  Nothing helped for years.  "But I'm so young!  Surely, it will just go away one day..."

Years of chiropractic care, sickness - withdrawal from the pills, ignoring the doctor’s advice to keep taking them forever, reclaiming my body, my mind – finally finding relief – slowly, so very slowly.  After 8 years of daily pain, pushing myself to run again, taking motrin every day, ice, working out twice a day, ice again, spinning classes, yoga classes, running my first 5k, then my first 10k with tears of joy, feeling strong and happy, lifting weights, feeling heroic, finally moving out of pain…

For about 4 months. 

THEN… the sound of metal yet again, looking up to see the black car to my right that had just pushed me into oncoming traffic.  The thought, “no, please no…” the pain instantly returning, again the slow- why does it have to be so slow?- healing.  Pouring all of my time and money again into the chiropractor, yoga, massages, yoga therapy…

Now, 1.5 years later, the thrill of running a mile again.  2 miles.  3.1.  Training for another 10k.  Growing strong through yoga, stretching every day, staying focused – it takes so much focus to run out of this pain- getting ready for a 4 mile run next Saturday…
And now another little set back.  I hope I can still run next Saturday.  Next year.  In 20 years. 

Keep going.  Keep pushing.  Tomorrow will be better.  Ice.  Motrin.  And… smile.  It’s been worse.  I’m growing strong again.  I’ve learned so much.


Why run?  Because I can.  When my body lets me, it feels like flying, like freedom.  After herniated discs and whiplash, it makes me feel like a superhero.  Just like I told my 2nd graders before running my first 10k, "You can do anything." 

A Leap of Faith

I am swan diving, free-falling, feeling light.  I have just quit my nice, steady job in the corporate world to seek life balance, a simpler and happier way, and to find my path to self-actualization.

“Ah, she’s lucky,” you may say.  “She must not have to work.”  Truly, it’s quite the contrary.  Yes, I am married and can use my husband’s health insurance, but we’ve actually taken some risks (rental properties) and carry massive debt (student loans) and we are certainly not wealthy.  My husband is very supportive, but I see him glancing at the bills with a touch of worry.  I share this with you only so you know that there is nothing special about my case.  I have as many bills as you do.

I know that this is a giant leap from convention.  As someone who finally got the guts at age 31 to dye my hair purple 8 weeks ago, I am finally ready to stop wondering what people will think and just LIVE fully.